tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58057747768685871282012-02-16T14:12:03.129-06:00The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.comBlogger991100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-5556637983950922732012-01-19T21:54:00.000-06:002012-01-19T21:54:05.155-06:00

Today two of my biggest pet peeves have collided into the 'Perfect Storm' of perturbedness! I have ZERO tolerance for 'family' who spout HATE and try to disguise it as 'love'. I also have ZERO tolerance for religious people who spout scripture and try to disguise it as 'help'. REAL family does not collect ammunition against each other. REAL family does not use the past to wedge a knife in your

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-32845156738012299662012-01-06T17:12:00.001-06:002012-01-06T17:12:35.227-06:00

Things have been flipping ridiculous around here with the renovations and now they tell me The Queen has ran off to detox.  I actually knew about this as soon as it happened (the whole notifying next of kin shit and all) the problem is I heard QUEEN and DETOX in the same sentence and I haven't been able to pick myself up off the floor ever since. I'm currently petitioning The Judge to have The

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-18345385916221120162011-12-31T16:36:00.000-06:002011-12-31T17:36:18.611-06:00

This is my official list of things I WANT to change in my life but will probably be too drunk, lazy, busy to accomplish them all in one year: 1. Exterminate the world of all peacocks! Oh don't give me that "but they're a beautiful bird" crap! THAT is not a 'beautiful' thing.  That is a razor clawed, evil-eyed, I will peck your brains from your nostrils MONSTER! If you LOVE peacocks... you

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-91938332483923313452011-12-31T00:00:00.000-06:002011-12-31T00:07:04.363-06:00

I didn't learn very many things from my grandfather.  Well, actually I learned a hell of a lot, but most of what I learned is a handbook of things you should NOT do.  At least not if you want to keep your family happy and in tack.  Totally besides the point.  I did learn one very valuable piece of advice! If you never want to do something again, just make sure to screw it up really good the

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-45068351661997649582011-12-27T15:45:00.000-06:002011-12-27T15:45:05.589-06:00

The Ogre Child received an aquarium and two 'female' betta fish for Christmas this year.  We'd done our research and everything indicated that two females could live in an aquarium together provided there was cover and enough room.  Prior to moving into their joint living arrangement, The Queen kept their private quarters adjoining so they could get acquainted.  She saw no signs of trouble so we

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-71226380647003976852011-12-23T23:32:00.000-06:002011-12-23T23:32:14.194-06:00

Twas the night before Christmas, the Royals were smashed Tiaras were stolen; the cruise ship was trashed. The stockings were stripped and hung from the lampsAnd all of the hookers were acting like tramps. The children were nestled (we hope) in their beds For the best therapy won't get this out of their heads The Queen had gone missing, she'd been wasted for days And someone had raided our

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-7281489504773676022011-12-21T18:48:00.002-06:002011-12-21T19:08:44.512-06:00

I am not a huge fan of auto-correct.  Much like Google translate, I find it inept.  Auto-correct on my Android causes my friends to think "I drowned a red gopher in the tomb" when in fact I'm positive "I found a dead hooker in the room!"  And don't even get me started on what it would say if I had been texting in Espanol and forgot to switch back to English.  "El fondo a feas folleto in te ruin."

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-86563160678811270802011-12-19T02:10:00.000-06:002011-12-20T12:12:52.425-06:00

I've been mulling something over in my head for the last 72 hours trying to sort out the facts from the hurt feelings and the drama from the truth in a recent Royal fiasco. Up until yesterday, the 'facts' I had received on the matter had all been received second-hand.  I am very aware of how strong emotions can play a role in how people perceive an incident and I make a point to try very hard

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-26139563539082302172011-12-17T01:25:00.002-06:002011-12-17T01:25:05.842-06:00

...for your viewing pleasure!

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-67972634966669362062011-03-26T23:32:00.000-05:002011-03-26T23:32:04.585-05:00

If you don't know who Judy Grimes is, you HAVE to watch this SNL clip.  If you don't you'll never GET IT!! Do you ever wonder what's going on in my life when I'm not blogging?  Generally, I'm working, pretending to be a good Mommie (or at least one that avoids having SRS called on her), or Swagging (I will NOT be ashamed of something that will buy me a new computer and pay for Christmas).

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-89688882001054465542011-03-19T20:56:00.001-05:002011-03-19T20:58:49.522-05:00

Please complete the following survey by PWT! Does your significant other ever make you (check all that apply): [ ] laugh until you cry [ ] laugh at their stupidity [ ] laugh at your stupidity [ ] laugh at how stupid everyone is [ ] want to slap the laughter right off their face [ ] want to kiss them [ ] want to hug them [ ] want to violate them *wink* [ ] want to strangle them [ ] want to hide

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-59927479866921653672011-03-16T01:55:00.001-05:002011-03-16T01:56:11.158-05:00

I know, I know... you are totally missing out on all my witty and ridiculously wonderful ramblings.  You're all dying to know what it is I've been up to that has been interfering with my blogging abilities!  I'll tell you! I've been making myself some extra fun money!  FREE fun money!! Sound too good to be true?  Free money?  Yeah right!!  The Princess has gone off the deep end and OD'ed on the

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-1133216436815621922011-03-14T00:18:00.000-05:002011-03-14T00:18:24.630-05:00

The difference between the almost right word & the right word is really a large matter--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. -Mark Twain 1888It will come as no surprise to you that I am not a supporter of censorship.  The fact is, I abhor the very thought of it.  That is not to say that children should not be censored against things that are inappropriate to their age

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-79630523371909141192011-02-28T17:30:00.000-06:002011-02-28T17:30:13.998-06:00

Maybe I'm just a LAID back person.  Maybe I'm just self-confident enough not to be threatened by words.  Maybe I've just been closing down the bars since I was in diapers. Or maybe I'm just a flirt myself. Regardless of the reasons... I often wonder where the defining line is for sexual harassment.  I don't want to go out on a radical limb here and say there's no such thing.  I certainly

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-40289429780826319162011-02-25T15:41:00.000-06:002011-02-25T15:41:15.015-06:00

Back in the day when I was more 'organized' in my blogging, I used to participate regularly in the wonderful I Heart Faces events.  Now days, the lack of a decent camera and the time to just 'play around' with edits has left me a quiet bystander in the events. However, I'm feeling especially creative today (I might even break out the paints and canvas before it's over).  So I felt the urge to

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-19418855885735487442011-02-23T01:10:00.000-06:002011-02-23T01:10:59.346-06:00

Let's recap this month: 1) INSURANCE - I'm still trying to get the wonderful state of Kansas to process my medical application for the outrageously high medical bills that are starting to pile up.  How is that going?  I called them every Friday for 6 weeks to see if they needed any further paperwork on the matter.  Each time I was told 'nothing has been requested'.  Only to have a letter appear

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-23219760104877835632011-02-10T17:30:00.000-06:002011-02-10T19:39:51.706-06:00

One of my favorite ladies recently posted a flashback about the standards expected of women back in the day. I find it amazing to think that this was once the 'norm' among women.  We cooked, we cleaned, we raised our children and we did it with a smile with no question of what our husbands were doing. Can you say B-O-R-I-N-G!! Gentlemen... let me introduce you to the modern woman and why you

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-3141781506951673512011-02-07T00:03:00.000-06:002011-02-07T00:03:53.533-06:00

I had just finished posting a blog topic when I stopped over to Gucci's to grab a quick read. Frankly, her post is much more important than the dribble that I just spewed out of my fingers so I've removed my own post (no worries, you'll get it's fabulousness later in the week) because I want to fully support what Gucci has to say today. I want you to go to Gucci's and read THIS post. If you do

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-80464987892866621482011-02-02T23:11:00.001-06:002011-02-02T23:12:12.823-06:00

THE OGRE CHILD Now if you'll excuse me, I must go 'cater' to the demanding mongrel.*heart her to pieces*but sometimes I considering auctioning off those pieces

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-62194716925180233662011-01-30T19:55:00.000-06:002011-01-30T19:55:32.986-06:00

I don't have a lot of attention span here today so PAY ATTENTION... (so I don't have to). ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1.  Today was brought to you by my new word... "SPAZERCISE" Definition anyone? It's clear to me those skirts are going to have to get a hell of a lot shorter if any of you intend to pass my class! Spazercise refers to

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-24698471907249860232011-01-27T01:55:00.000-06:002011-01-27T01:55:14.657-06:00

Heather over at Teens and a Toddler has been so kind to bless me with this wonderful award.   Isn't that just fabulousness?  *heart*   Thank You Heather!!  (pst... she made me thank her... it was a stipulation... but I'd have done it anyway *wink*)There's some RULES (shame on you Heather!) for accepting this award.Hmph... I'm the Empress... I make the rules!!  You should know that! FIRST... I

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-82289898992176132542011-01-22T00:00:00.000-06:002011-01-22T00:00:27.737-06:00

The Resident Jr. Terrorist, OGRE CHILD! My 3-year-old walks out of the bathroom today with her butt in the air, her panties around her ankles, and toilet paper in hand.  "Mommy, will you help me wipe my butt?" What can I say, it fits with my PWT philosophy... Please Wipe Tushy! Later, she announced that she had lost her green car... you know... the small one like the orange one... I lost it in

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-55426641470218119072011-01-17T21:23:00.000-06:002011-01-17T21:23:08.717-06:00

If you haven't read CB's post today, you need to.  That, my dear readers, is why we are sisters.  I've been gone all day with the family.  I didn't even realize it was MLK day until I tried to go to a government building and found it closed.  I certainly have no beef with honoring what I believe was a great man.  However, CB took the words right out of my mouth.  I HAVE NEVER ENSLAVED ANYONE!  (

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-90546707931632493272011-01-15T03:39:00.001-06:002011-01-15T03:48:41.881-06:00

There seems to be a debate as to how big of a Battle Royale this Queendom/Empire fiasco is going to get.I do believe it was the intentions of The Queen and The Dutch to pit the sisters against each other so they could sit back and laugh as we tore each other apart. You've gotta be kidding me?CB and I don't fight over people and kingdoms!The closest thing you'll see to a war between the two of us

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-91089193389475824112011-01-13T19:02:00.002-06:002011-01-13T19:29:06.324-06:00

What happens when the Royal New Years Party gets completely out of hand and lasts a little too long? Royals start sobering up one by one and realizing what fools they made out of themselves and run off in shame and disgust.  It's been a Royal mess for the last week trying to keep track of who is embarrassed for getting caught in a compromising position with a waiter and who caught an STD trying

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-60995583853468769172011-01-13T01:04:00.000-06:002011-01-13T01:04:46.673-06:00

67 - How much cash do you typically carry around with you? I like to have a $20 on me at all times.  Sometimes it lasts me a day, sometimes it lasts me a month. 68 - Last book you read? A Disney Cars book to the OC last night.  But that's about to change when the PC gets home with my new House of Night book, Awakened. 69 - Ever have a one night stand? Yep!  He was sweet.  He was hot.  We were

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-4018749448324972052011-01-12T00:26:00.000-06:002011-01-12T00:26:10.720-06:00

34 - Favorite number? π 35 - Favorite type of pet? I'm a dog person.  So why then do we have 3 (+2 in the winter) male cats instead of a dog?  Because, they adopted us and since they don't require attention, affection, or the comfort of my home... they get to stay! 36 - Favorite sexual position? Due to the extensiveness of this study, our facility is unable to give a definitive 'winner' at this

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-56865858100433283142011-01-11T04:09:00.004-06:002011-01-11T04:20:09.479-06:00

In dedication of my birthday I think I'll follow suit with the rest of the group and tell you a whole bunch of useless crap about The REAL Royal Princess!!  Because you KNOW you're DYING to hear about me! But on a side note... PC & OC threw me a miniature surprise party at a little after midnight.  I was called to the office by my daughter's voice... "MOMMY!  COME'ERE!  ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!"  I

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-90816513443599395962011-01-04T15:57:00.000-06:002011-01-04T15:57:40.941-06:00

For most of you, this is old news.  The Royals were quick to get the news and send all their dearest thoughts to us.  But for those who haven't had a chance to get caught up, I figure I'll fill you in. We ended up in the emergency room late Sunday evening because I was experiencing horrible pain.  I was transported by ambulance to another hospital for an ultrasound which revealed an ectopic

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-73130591856327591122010-12-27T02:11:00.000-06:002010-12-27T02:11:03.885-06:00

With the holidays winding to a close, I wrote a little ditty just for my dear readers. On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeeeeee12 hours of nausea11 random moodswings10 achy muscles9 ridiculous cravings8 months of waiting7 hours of labor6 weeks of leave5 multivitamins40 extra pounds 3 XL tunics2 sore breastsandA NEW BABY ON THE WAY! That's right folks... prepare yourself for

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-63099121148360043582010-12-21T15:11:00.002-06:002010-12-21T15:12:35.806-06:00

It's the holiday season... Some of you have finished your holiday shopping, and others are just starting. Some of you have wonderful families to share the days with and others are convinced they were adopted. Some of you enjoy spending time with your in-laws and others wish they had eloped and moved out of the country. Some of you are jolly little elves and others are horrible scrooges. Some of

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-76457468148145943802010-12-17T23:25:00.000-06:002010-12-17T23:25:51.322-06:00

Sorry for the lack of recent updates... it's been... well... lets just say there are Christmas presents to pay for and I'm earning the extra cash the only way I'm truly talented at.  On the plus side, I did discover that every ceiling in my house is white!!  And that inspired me to do some painting. No serious.  It really did. I'll give you a sneak peak at the Christmas presents for my in-laws.

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-73006537167321813122010-11-22T09:25:00.003-06:002010-11-22T09:25:00.273-06:00

When you pile this many people onto a bus and fill them with liquor, it's hard to find the sense of humor in this sign.Coffeepot didn't believe us when we said we didn't need to wait for a rest stop.  Are you kidding?  I said, "I HAVE TO PEE! PULL THE FUCK OVER NOW!"  And like a bunch of clowns climbing out of a pacer we lined those asses up roadside for a good ol' squat and wave.  That man on

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-30237460378281425232010-11-21T09:04:00.001-06:002010-11-21T17:42:34.618-06:00

I think it's Sunday.  Is it Sunday?  If it's not Sunday we're definately going to hell! Y'all know I'm not a church going woman, but I'm pretty sure this roadtrip is considered a sinful on every level.  I'm dragging your asses to confession!! And frankly... this is the only church I could find that looked that they might be forgiving of our actions!  Get your asses in there and REPENT! ... ...

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-43386805763479546822010-11-20T11:51:00.001-06:002010-11-21T17:42:06.399-06:00

I don't know who in the hell thought it was a wise idea to wake me up at the ass crack of noon, but after I have a cigarette, some coffee, and find a pair of underwear, I'm going to kick their ass!!  And why the hell does this bus smell like urine and fruitcake? Has anyone checked on the kids yet? DUTCH!!  You really need to lock that stash box before you pass out!!

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-25101558244659484592010-11-19T20:22:00.000-06:002010-11-19T20:22:31.574-06:00

Got a memo from The Queen to pack my bags and meet the bus in Kansas City for The Royal Roadtrip! I took one look at that bus and made an official declaration.  I'M ON TOP!!  That's all there is to that shit.  I don't really care if Coffeepot sneaks a few drinks and shaves the top half off on an overpass, but it'll be damned if I'm going to risk getting some bitch's puke in my hair because

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-91097063664218191452010-11-15T21:04:00.001-06:002010-11-15T21:05:15.431-06:00

Okay, some people choose to use their REAL names on blogs! Want me to show you how fucking stupid that is? One name, less than 10 minutes of my time, and I was able to do the following: Access the facebook pages of the person, his wife, her son, and his daughter.  Due to their lack of using privacy settings, I was able to read the walls of everyone except the daughter.  Should I have chosen I

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-49877637051406689952010-11-14T22:26:00.001-06:002010-11-14T22:27:32.206-06:00

Anyone who REALLY knows me should know that I HATE DRAMA!!  I'm a 'life-is-too-short' type of girl and I simply do not have time for childish bullshit.  Luckily, when you grow up in a fucked up family like mine, you get used to the middle-school crapfest.  I happen to have been born with a special Charlie Brown mode which I activate at the first sign of idiocy.  From then on all I hear is

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-17916841478699789572010-11-13T00:51:00.002-06:002010-11-13T00:54:05.290-06:00

That bitch just took a big white crap on my lawn! Are you fucking kidding me?  Okay, so it's November and her bowels get all sorts of loose about now.  But I'd really appreciate it if the bitch could reduce her fiber intake to a minimum.  I'm in no mood for her chilly flatulence and icy defecation! Top 5 reasons I hate winter: 1.  I don't wear bras!  Which means come winter I could easily

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-79140385341593545952010-11-09T13:47:00.000-06:002010-11-09T13:47:29.467-06:00

Yeah I know you're all a bunch of lucky bastards who get your weekends on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But since I work in the hotel industry, I've traded TGIF for TGIM.  An agreement between myself and my super assures I have every Tuesday off.  I tell her it's because Prince Charming works that day (which is true) but in truth, I could probably work and still be home in time for him to leave

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-6801337162110050832010-11-05T00:34:00.000-05:002010-11-05T00:34:11.325-05:00

One of the perks of working at a hotel is... BROKEN PARTS! These lamp shades were bound for the dumpster because of the dents in the canvas. Being the loving, caring, and compassionate person I am... I rescued them and brought them home. I took one and removed all the cracked canvas.With a little help from the PC to remove the old glue, I was left with one metal frame. Now then.  Upstairs hiding

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-21691781713903006232010-11-03T11:59:00.000-05:002010-11-03T11:59:00.312-05:00

I have a project for you... THIS||\/ is the personal abode of the Ogre Child(minus some small furniture additions - vanity, storage, etc. - that have been added since the photo)a rare glimpse of cleanliness! If you cannot tell from this photo... IT IS HUGE!This room is bigger than my master bedroom.In total it's about 1/3 of our second floor which would make this room something like 400 square

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-4345513707021932312010-11-01T11:59:00.001-05:002010-11-01T11:59:00.309-05:00

You'd think I'd have slept last night... but NO!  Instead, after all the excitement of Halloween... I stayed up until 3am.  "Why?" you ask.  I was inspired! I like my Spooky header so much I decided to get a jump start on the next seasonal change.  I know once the holidays start to sneak up on me I'll never have time and I'll be disgruntled that I didn't do it sooner. So I spent a good 3 hours

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-63813074309216804812010-10-31T12:57:00.000-05:002010-10-31T12:57:44.604-05:00

You all probably think I've abandoned the palace.  I realize I've only been posting little tidbits each week and this week I even missed that.  I assure you that things will get back to normal some small resemblance of sanity in the near future.  Right now, my job has me working long hours and by the time I get home all I want to do is vegetate and try to keep the Ogre Child from destroying the

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-32807321695010623022010-10-17T19:54:00.000-05:002010-10-17T19:54:18.012-05:00

YOU ARE ABOUT TO!! Yeah I've been gone AGAIN!!  Yeah, well... this time I have a great excuse!  No seriously!  My body guard had a serious mishap with a clown costume.  Don't be too hard on her, in the rush to hire my personal security, I failed to hand out the list of Princess phobias which include clowns!  So yeah... Ariana is now required to carry the contact information for my personal

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-5732919099815931922010-10-09T22:18:00.002-05:002010-10-09T22:21:58.900-05:00

After posting last week I seriously considered joining the Princess Protection Program.  It dawned on me after I published my post that I had not yet resolved my personal security concerns (Ariana didn't official start until Monday) and yet I had posted two posts with an anti-religious theme. Was I concerned I'd lose readers?  Not really.  I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-4606319517156531292010-10-02T20:30:00.001-05:002010-10-02T20:31:19.450-05:00

There's too much to talk about so I'm going to limit myself to 6 short (HAHA!!) rants... 1.  The New Security Team As you know, voting took place to enlist a new security team for The Royals.  And to keep any one member from becoming attached, enamored, infatuated, or corrupted by an individual Royal... we're rotating them regularly.  I don't know about you people, but something about that

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-4998768472200924072010-09-30T20:04:00.001-05:002010-09-30T20:04:47.935-05:00

Want to know what I've been doing since last Thursday? Okay... so maybe that's a bit drastic.  My eyes aren't leaking and my nose has been limited to a slow drip.  It's not swine flu... but I'm not ruling out some strange zombie flu (since that's about how I felt). I've seriously never had a 'bug' like this in my life. The onset?  Thursday at 10AM - The biggest yawning fit I've ever had in my

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-45192451693636057602010-09-22T17:38:00.001-05:002010-09-22T17:41:43.148-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I was born into a theologically clusterfuck!  You think I'm kidding? I never kid about this shit... My paternal genetic provider was an 'old-school' Mormon.  If you don't know what I mean by that, you probably ought to brush up on my family tree.  That alone is enough to justify a permanent on-call therapist.  But I'm telling you, it gets better. My Dad was

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-62565808110540070082010-09-18T00:49:00.001-05:002010-09-18T00:51:23.310-05:00

As you damn well better know by now, I always carry a spare pair of panties wherever I go.  I might not be wearing any... but I still carry a pair. Aren't you glad underwear can't blog?  I certainly am.  It's not that I'm afraid they'd go around talking about my sex life (HA!  I have a 3-year-old and my mother is living with us... we have hallway sex.)  I'm not concerned about the 'pillow talk

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-39920709315352316662010-09-13T21:37:00.004-05:002010-09-13T21:47:07.450-05:00

I haven't been ignoring you all... honest. It's just... Well... I found a new love... MODPODGE! And so when I'm not pimpin' it on a corner for The Queen, or bailing out The Dutch... or trying to bribe Amy into stealing the good shit from CB... I've been getting my creativity on. I know you're all just dying to see the results of my artistic genius... So... with nothing of humor, wit or intellect

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-29700316272109037732010-09-03T20:09:00.001-05:002010-09-03T20:09:38.965-05:00

The Queen and I went slumming today!  Okay, that's not exactly true... we hit the Thrift Free Store today for some fabulous fabric fashionista!  This little store is situated in the middle of BFE and it's just filled with free clothes.  Run solely on volunteer work and donated items, it is the perfect picture of everything I love about living in the 'Heartland'.  For those of you who cannot

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-77368589699943011672010-08-31T00:22:00.001-05:002010-08-31T00:28:37.920-05:00

Get the FUCK off my dancefloor!! I intend to spend my day off vegetating... if my ass happens to merge with my couch... sell my car and buy me a laptop! Have a great day!! (And P.S. if you're blogroll is malfunctioning like mine... The Queen has posted twice!  I wouldn't have known if she wasn't typing from my livingroom! Damn blogger!!)

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-88644805119354496162010-08-29T09:24:00.000-05:002010-08-29T09:24:00.146-05:00

If you don't already know, I am NOT a foodie!  I'm simply not a picky eater.  I love carbs.  I love fattening shit!  If you've got something frying in bacon grease, don't be surprised if I'm standing there dry humping your leg! There are only two common foods I totally wretch at. Rare meat - My father liked his steaks rare.  When my father sent leftovers to my hotel room, I most certainly did

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-63514012554220322562010-08-27T20:47:00.000-05:002010-08-27T20:56:39.580-05:00

(I was going to hold onto this one until tomorrow, but the last post I auto-scheduled did not post at the right time.  And I'm in no mood to check back after midnight to make sure it posted right.  So yes... I'm going to jump the gun a bit... I'm sure you'll forgive me!) Ever stumble upon a blog that makes you want to sign up for a frontal lobotomy? The Mommyblogger who shits sunshine and roses?

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-80356976374264368522010-08-26T23:42:00.000-05:002010-08-26T23:42:22.171-05:00

My motto for the day is... "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." I absolutely refuse to muttle my Chi with this B.S. (afterall, there's really no doubting whose side I'm on) So if you want the 4-1-1 on the S.N.A.F.U. you'll have to trot your happy ass over to Amy's place! (she's going to earn those ruby-covered stilettos faster than anyone ever expected!) As far as I'm

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-23700604757236565352010-08-26T12:43:00.000-05:002010-08-26T12:43:03.815-05:00

Today was brought to you by the word... LIPPAGE!!! I'm not talking about a soft peck on cheek from a sweet hottie. I'm not even talking about that heated passion in which you try to merge your two faces into one hideous slobbering monster straight from the Iliad. I'm talking about... THIS! AAAARUUUGGGHHHHH! This isn't even an accidental case of lippage slippage! This is full

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-64323860907184154812010-08-25T05:54:00.000-05:002010-08-25T05:54:00.237-05:00

I was cleaning out my computer yesterday and found all my old awards, blinkies and buttons.  Unfortunately for you, I'm too lazy to upload my animated badge today, so you'll just have to settle for the still life version! On the plus side... it reminded me of WTF Wednesday!! So here we go? WTF is up with using the media as a scapegoat for bad parenting? Watching the news with my FIL the other

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-52312167192642968552010-08-22T01:38:00.000-05:002010-08-22T01:46:06.262-05:00

It's late and I'm tired, so you're getting the randomized list version of today's activities. A Mission for Amy Amy's current mission is to figure out what in the fuck woke me up at the ass crack of 8AM and inspired me to get the fuck out of bed.  Once she figures out the cause, I expect her to eliminate it... if that involves homicide, I expect her to clean up after herself! The Royal Trio The

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-7021731086065671232010-08-19T23:06:00.000-05:002010-08-19T23:06:08.637-05:00

It has come to my attention, that amongst the Royal Family, there has been a terrible oversight... We have The QUEEN The PRINCESS The DUTCHESS Our probie... The DAME And that sore thumb... Crazy Brunette!! That, my dear readers, is simply not a fitting title for royalty!!  I mean, we might as well call her The Red-Headed Step-Child, if we're just going to leave it at that!! Now, I'm not

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-51230125277490368622010-08-17T23:56:00.000-05:002010-08-18T00:02:59.597-05:00

I've spent my entire day off trying to figure out the perfect way to express my sibling-tastrophe in a way that you might understand.  As I mentioned before, I am an ONLY child... but I have 13 siblings!  Yeah, try using Adler's birth order theory to do a personality analysis on that in your college psych class!  I swear, I deserve an honorary degree in Astrophysics just for keeping it straight

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-7628814363965482522010-08-16T22:14:00.000-05:002010-08-16T22:14:55.591-05:00

Important Disclaimer:  Blogger is being a total fucktard tonight.  I had to take a short break while writing this and so I drafted it... when I came back to finish... blogger had scrambled it.  With all the chaos in the house, someone must have picked up the computer and shook it.  The answers were all messed up and on the wrong questions.  I've done my best to move things back where they belong.

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-63169777915689482372010-08-14T01:42:00.000-05:002010-08-14T02:00:41.899-05:00

Okay bitches... I clearly ate some happy pills or snorted a few lines of blow because I'm totally feeling generous tonight.  Before I hit the hay, I'm offering up... free of charge... a photo editing lesson for your personal entertainment. For starters you should know I'm totally a CHEAP ASS BITCH!!  Don't get me wrong... I totally have expensive taste.  Prince Charming is well aware that if he

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-37559361806606587622010-08-09T23:48:00.000-05:002010-08-10T00:31:49.032-05:00

Update on the Hairtastrophe:  I have a new theory.  Global warming has caused such a severe change in climate that the abominable snowman has been forced to adapt!~~~~*~~~~ And with that, I thought I'd bring you another rambling from the demented mind of a housekeeper! Allow me to introduce you to the incredible iSuck 2010.  An industrial vacuum cleaner equipped with a jet powered engine. 

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-51011225123858484952010-08-08T18:30:00.000-05:002010-08-08T18:30:00.718-05:00

s a hotel housekeeper, I'm willing to put up with a LOT of messy shit.  At least once a week a guest tells me, "You could just put some towels in our room.  It's a disaster and we don't expect you to clean it."  That my dears is a wonderful thing to say to your housekeeper... and when I go in the room I usually gasp in shock!  THIS ROOM IS CLEANER THAN MY HOUSE (and you people have 6 adults

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-2588644507467431102010-08-06T17:56:00.000-05:002010-08-06T17:56:08.550-05:00

Thank goodness one of the Royal Family is a total blog-whore who can hold the fort down for us while we sober up is able to keep her shit together in moments of crisis. For those who don't know... The Queen had to choose between living under the roof of the evil step-sons, living in a meth house, or being homeless... fortunately for her she has a great son-in-law.  While I was busy calling padded

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-3852745966683714892010-08-04T02:00:00.000-05:002010-08-04T02:00:21.814-05:00

Our palace is graced with the presence of The Queen and her trusty dog (aka. Tripping Hazard with a Bionic Tongue) TINK! That means that Prince Charming is packing his bags for the nearest halfway house to get away from the overwhelming amount of estrogen in his own home.  You thought The Queen was crazy in her own house all alone... you oughta be a fly on the wall when you get the two of us

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-61520999632166709412010-07-30T20:59:00.000-05:002010-07-30T20:59:19.698-05:00

Mood #1 - Bitchy! And it's not even the type of bitchy I could chalk up to PMS.  No... it's more of that "Oh, why don't you just fuck yourself?" bitchy.  You know the type... I'm actually in a good mood, I'm just not in the mood for certain things.  Like... idiots on Facebook whining about their shitty lives... or teenagers coo-cooing about their pathetic love lifes... or people bitching about

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-40974724785100711972010-07-27T18:32:00.000-05:002010-07-27T18:33:26.126-05:00

Did your Mom ever tell you to wear clean underwear in case you were in an accident?  Frankly, I call 'BULLSHIT' on that one because you can bet if I was in a serious accident... my underwear wouldn't make it out clean regardless of how they started. What Mom should have said was 'clean out your purse in case you're in an accident'!  Those of you who are currently scratching your heads trying to

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-13022351191387234362010-07-25T01:52:00.000-05:002010-07-25T01:52:02.906-05:00

For those of you who don't know... before I became a self-proclaimed PRINCESS!!  I was a rancher's daughter.  Let me rephrase that...   I was a rancher's ONLY daughter! Now being the ONLY daughter of an 'old fashioned' rawhide comes with it's perks.  When most girls were getting fluffy rabbits or chocolate eggs for Easter... I got a horse!  And I'm not talking a 'put on your tiara and ride

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-88511099016344941702010-07-18T17:42:00.000-05:002010-07-18T19:04:22.935-05:00

Everyone has had a day that leads to an unplanned trip to Walmart.  You know the day... The dog broke his collar, the husband is coming home from a long business trip and you're out of chocolate syrup.Not thinking, you rush through the store grabbing the items you need... only to find yourself standing at the back of the line holding a leather collar, a box of Trojans and a bottle of chocolate

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-6132310894962735242010-07-17T17:34:00.000-05:002010-07-17T15:22:21.288-05:00

If you've already read this post... SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE... If not... feel free to read about the POETS Society... but make sure you get to the end so you can grab the button... or at least marvel at what Photobucket deemed unfit for your viewing pleasure!! It's the weekend.  I'm in no mood to entertain you whores with my awesome blogmatism.  Therefore, I'm reinstating the POETS Society on a

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-44506834893971065962010-07-16T23:28:00.000-05:002010-07-16T23:28:23.709-05:00

Never been known to start a war.  But I'll be happy to help finish one. Do people seriously not have enough problems in the real world that they have to stir up drama in Blogland? Since this BULLSHIT started at least 2 bloggers have decided to cut back/quit blogging until it blows over... several others are all bent out of shape... and still others are downright PISSED OFF! WTF?!?!?! It's a

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-8927627042253745302010-07-16T17:48:00.000-05:002010-07-16T17:48:14.889-05:00

Here's what I know... CB has taken the 'higher road'.  By that I mean she's probably OD'ing on Xanex while she talks to the flying purple monkeys. The Queen is sitting naked in a lawn chair with a tall gin and tonic, talking to the yellow polka-dotted elephant on the picnic table. I'm tired and sweaty after a long days work that did NOT include sex, drugs, or rock-n-roll! Being the only member of

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-58258331432496172092010-07-11T16:38:00.000-05:002010-07-11T16:38:00.213-05:00

I am the senior English-speaking housekeeper at our hotel which means the chick who trained me finally quit to go to college!  For this reason, I expect everyone to kiss my ass with a smile be nice to me.  As a guest, you should worship me because I know the difference between, "May I have clean towels" and "Please rape me with a mop handle!" As a fellow-employee, you should respect me because I

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-86269605482416437142010-07-09T17:43:00.000-05:002010-07-09T17:43:55.125-05:00

1. I would totally FUCK someone for a large Pizza Hut Supreme pizza!  Thankfully, they sell them for $10, ready in 15 minutes, so I didn't have to.  But I will totally FUCK YOU UP if you think about touching MY PIZZA! 2. I told the boss I was getting FUCKING pissed at her assistant today.  I did it without calling the assistant a total FUCKING bitch.  Though I do believe I mentioned she's going

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-52109543642534546562010-07-03T22:16:00.000-05:002010-07-03T22:16:22.665-05:00

I am well aware that many of you have already discovered the horrors of facebook. And while I have found myself sucked to the dark side of FB several times, I always manage to find my way out of there with little more than scrapes.  In the past year, I've eliminated all but a couple games that I play only when absolutely bored to pieces. I realize that for some people, Facebook can become a

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-84442932310762456072010-07-02T14:34:00.000-05:002010-07-02T14:38:17.678-05:00

Okay, it seems a couple of stupid whores (aka The Royal Family) are spreading rumors about me over at The Queen's place.  It seems a bitch can't go a week without blogging (actually they started bitching a couple days ago... couldn't even give me a week!).  So today, I'll take a brief moment to clear up their lies! First... The Prom Cleanup commitee would like to flip you off for being such

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-18193046335370449632010-06-25T18:51:00.000-05:002010-06-25T18:51:03.183-05:00

It's my day off and frankly I'm in no mood to do anything. Lucky for me, the local hooligans came over to play with the toddler and after two hours of trying to keep up with the 'big girls' the demon is passed out. I've been working on a remodel off and on for about a week now and I think I've got enough of it done to display it.  So that's how I spent my day of (since Mom and CB are whoring it

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-49399198983095739292010-06-20T19:12:00.000-05:002010-06-20T19:12:19.204-05:00

I refuse to celebrate "Father's Day".  It takes more than conception to be a father.  The man who provided half of my DNA is still alive and happily celebrating this day with his current wife and children.  As one of his first seven 'neglected' children, I hold a slight bit of spite about this.  For the last 15 years I have celebrated nothing about my official paternity.  Biologically, I might be

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-21729275238033405892010-06-15T13:43:00.000-05:002010-06-15T13:43:42.075-05:00

By now you should know that when I'm not pulling in tricks, I'm cleaning hotel rooms in the red-light district.  So per Jo's request, I've decided to share with you a few ways to make your housekeeper's life easier.  And if you've ever stayed more than one night in a hotel, making a housekeeper's life easier should be a priority.  After all, you are leaving me alone with your toothbrush and a

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-35982508594467221852010-06-11T01:11:00.000-05:002010-06-11T01:11:16.601-05:00

Like I said... I sort of had a day off on Tuesday.  And while we had a great evening (despite the stupid meeting) it totally threw me off for Wednesday.  I was beat!  I didn't even get off the couch until 11 am (except to cater to the toddlers milk/food requests because she needs that shit or something!) So yeah... did I get more spinach planted?  No...did I get the laundry done?  No...did I

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-49397356055272326882010-06-09T02:18:00.000-05:002010-06-09T02:22:27.047-05:00

Well... sort of. We had a 7 pm meeting at work.  Mandatory!  Failure to appear would result in disciplinary actions... because I'm really concerned about a 'black mark' on my hotel housekeeping record! (and before I forget, you can all thank Momma Fargo for breaking the blog silence by placing her BloggersAward vote!  The rest of you are slackers!  You officially fail and are being forced to

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-43388085249252012302010-06-04T20:52:00.000-05:002010-06-04T20:52:05.231-05:00

Yes... I have to do everything! I'm pimping out these bitches because they are nagging and needy and fussy... and when they get whiney they just don't bring in the money.  No one wants a pouty whore! So whether you like it or not... you're assignment is to go vote. The Queen is dying to become THE FREAKIEST BLOGGER!  She's wanted it for years!  So make the old bitch happy then she'll shut up...

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-58536829494396686902010-06-03T00:19:00.000-05:002010-06-03T00:20:01.107-05:00

I got my first 'official' blog award! Oh, sure... the queen gave out awards a while back, but she was handing them out to everyone like methadone treatments, so yeah!  I took mine an ran before someone recognized my face! But the skank-alicious bitch, CB actually designed one especially for me! Tell me that doesn't just rock your socks off!?! I'm totally flattered to get such a prestigious

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-63329589765422468882010-06-01T19:31:00.000-05:002010-06-01T19:31:52.081-05:00

Everyone loves a good t-shirt, right?  The classic comfort clothes.  And I'm all about a t-shirt with a humorous phrase on it.But skimming through t-shirt designs I began to wonder...Do people actually buy some of the shirts?  And if so... Do they wear them? Case in point...(maybe you should think about it... because I can totally see your tampon string!)(coincidentally that rhymes with SLEAZY!)

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-26044761482042876882010-05-30T16:44:00.000-05:002010-05-30T16:44:00.388-05:00

In case you've been under a rock or are just tuning in... I have a three-year-old satanic nazi terrorist toddler (and you just thought I was chemically imbalanced!)  And in truth, there are days that she is so pricelessly adorable I want to hug her until she stops kicking.  Alas, I love that little munchkin a thousand times over and thus she has managed to survive.  Despite the fact that I have

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-702892074253403842010-05-28T21:40:00.000-05:002010-05-28T21:40:41.383-05:00

It seems The Queen is having some trouble making friends because she's a totally reclusive drunk paranoid, soft-hearted, and schizophrenic which makes it hard to open up and trust people.  So I'm dedicating this post to her and anyone else who thinks making a 'human connection' is the equivalent of shoving bamboo shafts under your fingernails. The problem with real-life friendships is the

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-2617079514369955482010-05-26T10:00:00.000-05:002010-05-26T10:00:05.081-05:00

What would the Wizard of Oz been like if Toto had been a Rottweiler? "I'll get you my pretty and your... HOLY FUCK YOU CAN KEEP THE SHOES!"

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-36146244103543505772010-05-23T10:00:00.000-05:002010-05-23T10:00:01.829-05:00

Okay... that's a joke.  I don't really have a green thumb.  If I put it in a pot, I could kill a Texas Sandbur. So it should come as no surprise to you that I leave the major gardening to Prince Charming.  As a result I have a geranium plant (actually a pelargonium if you give a shit) that has three and a half foot long stems.  It is also the reason I have an aloe plant that is over two-feet wide

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-29450638782377041712010-05-22T00:34:00.000-05:002010-05-22T00:34:53.855-05:00

I'm not an Apocalypse-fear-monger.  2012 doesn't phase me.  Bring on the earthquakes, meteors, aliens, etc.  I'm a modern day princess and I can take it all in stride.  But there is one thing that scares the holy living piss out of me. ZOMBIES!!Yeah yeah yeah... don't give me that 'they're slow' bullshit either!Michael Myers never broke a sweat slashing up the cheerleaders!And don't get all NRA

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-25773879764366104962010-05-14T01:23:00.000-05:002010-05-14T01:38:50.610-05:00

All over Blogville you'll find these wonderful 'themes' that bloggers use to overcome writer's block and provide structure to their blogs.  There are two reasons I avoid these scheduled posts: 1) Weekends are the busiest time on the street corner, so I'm always busy busting my ass to satisfy those 'born-again virgins'.  As a result, me 'weekend' is actually scheduled on Tuesday and Wednesday.  So

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-51807291413380444182010-05-12T04:00:00.000-05:002010-05-12T04:02:52.655-05:00

For those of you who don't read know... I'm a Kansas girl. Okay, I should rephrase that because it might give people a bad impression of Kansas... I'm actually a born and raised Nebraska girl which is the reason for many of my less endearing traits.  Because I grew up in Nebraska, I can (and will) walk into a bar wearing fishnets, thigh-high boots, mini-skirt, and backless halter top.  I will

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-69341263654791791462010-05-10T11:10:00.000-05:002010-05-10T11:10:00.357-05:00

For those of you who don't know... aside from hooking myself out on the street corner to pay for CB's crack habit, I also have to maintain a full time job to pay the mortgage on my palace.  For 7 years I pushed a desk in an effort to corrupt the future of this country.  Unfortunately, the politicians education is not a priority.  I didn't get cut with the budget.  I cut myself because of the

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-34152042693088720972010-05-09T03:00:00.001-05:002010-11-15T23:55:42.549-06:00

Three years ago today at 1 o'clock in the morning I was admitted to the hospital for a scheduled forcible eviction.  I didn't know my blood pressure was on the rise.I didn't know that a pregnant woman is NOT supposed to swell up like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man.And frankly... I did NOT care. What I DID know is this: ...I had been pregnant FORevvvaah!!! ...I was still suffering from strep

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-31078871775905772912010-05-07T22:28:00.000-05:002010-05-07T22:31:20.936-05:00

There would be more people with BRAINS! (enough said)

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-27382679506224723172010-05-03T00:04:00.001-05:002010-11-15T23:55:50.681-06:00

Crazy Brunette has been sneaking shots to The Queen again.  I have no choice but to translate her drunken slurs. "I had sex ONCE" ---  She had sex ONCE... SOBER!"gave birth to a BIMBO" ---  No Mom, you adopted the BIMBO.  I'm the BITCH!"I did everything right" ---  Really? Then why wasn't I calling the milk man Daddy?"I raised her with a strict hand" ---  Uh Oh!  Is this one of those serious

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-9134824426784809542010-05-02T00:51:00.001-05:002010-11-15T23:55:46.031-06:00

I'M BACK!!!! I'm not going to bore you with a list of lame excuses about why I've been away...I LIVE IN KANSASThat's really the only excuse I need.  That simple statement can equally justify everything from going to church to committing mass murder.  So don't make me bore you with the long list of "to-do's" I've had over the last several months or make me jabber on about what I wanted to

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5805774776868587128.post-77872140742395619032009-01-18T09:14:00.006-06:002011-01-17T21:17:41.757-06:00

DISCLAIMER: I seem to have found a pet peeve I was unaware of. So I'm warning you in advance that this is a genuine post and lacks my normal humorous touch. I was honestly going to write this nice blog about Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights movement. Or at least, I imagined I was going to do that when I started my research. I went searching for African American civil rights leaders,

The PWThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18302450586278684848noreply@blogger.com0