Welcome to Walmart...

Everyone has had a day that leads to an unplanned trip to Walmart.  You know the day...

The dog broke his collar, the husband is coming home from a long business trip and you're out of chocolate syrup.

Not thinking, you rush through the store grabbing the items you need... only to find yourself standing at the back of the line holding a leather collar, a box of Trojans and a bottle of chocolate syrup. About halfway to the register it hits you!! "OMG! I look like a total sex freak!!"

Now what?  Do you scramble around looking for the half-stoned sorority girl who is too blond to connect the dots?  Do you rush to the nearest isle and buy $50 worth of saltines and paper towels in the hopes to hide the awkward scenario?  Or do you suck it up, put a devious smile on your face and head to the register proud of your deceptive innuendo?

If you're like me... you not only pull off the ruse... you spend the entire 40 minute drive home contemplating other dubious combinations.

I'm not talking about the normal Tampax + Midol + granny panties combo.  That's just too real.  And while the cashier might be slightly tickled and immaturely giggle about it afterwards... there's really no shock factor there.  It's just a fact of life.

I'm talking about something that will really have them talking in the break room...

Like KY jelly, Duct tape, and a Plan-B pill!!

Don't forget to wink at the cashier.

Better yet...

A pregnancy test, wire coat hangers, and Extra-Strength Tylenol!

Or if you're more of a devious sort

A butcher knife, Woolite stain remover, and a large rug. 

Even better if you pretend to be having a disgruntled conversation on the phone.  Include the phrases, "I caught him with that bitch again!", "no I will not calm down," and "I'm going to kill him this time!"

Got some home repairs to take care of?  Try this combination...

Metal pipes, nails, and dry ice. 

Add a little flair by mumbling to yourself about nonsense.  Talk to the invisible man in your pocket.  And look over your shoulder suspiciously... often.

Planning a trip to Colorado?  This is a bit more subtle, but I'm sure you can make it work for you...

Ski mask, large purse, and a U.S. Atlas. 

Throw in some hair dye for an extra bonus.  Got kids with you?  Tell them, "Remember, my name is Jane and yours is Susan now!"

Now I know I've got some of your mischievous minds working overtime.  Give me your ideas... try to limit yourself to 3 items available in Walmart.  Oh... and if you are daring enough to attempt any of these combinations... I'm not providing bail money!!