Friday, July 16, 2010

What the Fuckover?

Here's what I know...
  1. CB has taken the 'higher road'.  By that I mean she's probably OD'ing on Xanex while she talks to the flying purple monkeys.
  2. The Queen is sitting naked in a lawn chair with a tall gin and tonic, talking to the yellow polka-dotted elephant on the picnic table.
  3. I'm tired and sweaty after a long days work that did NOT include sex, drugs, or rock-n-roll!
Being the only member of the royal family that manages to stay sober on a regular basis... I have to clean up this fucking mess!

So if you happen to be the dumbass who got those women all riled up... let me warn you...
  1. You can come thump your Bible at me.  I'll thump it right back across the side of your head.
  2. You're welcome to criticize my vulgarity.  But if you're offended by "shut up cunt nugget" then you can bet I've got a few catch phrases that will leave you wetting your Barbie panties.
  3. Feel free to tell me I'm being nasty.  I don't mind... your boyfriend likes it that way!
I don't start online battles.  I'm the one that usually rolls my eyes and walks away.  But if the Royal Family gets their thongs twisted in knots, I'm the one who has to find designated drivers (or bail money) in 3 different cities!

I haven't had a good catfight since Easter you know.  And you should know my interventions don't always go as planned.  Last time, I tried to jump to the defense of a poor girl who got herself cornered by The Queen and some of my friends... she just wouldn't back down.  I'm all for defending anyone who finds themselves cornered by a rabid pack of hyenas... but if you climb the six foot safety wall, slip through the bars of the secondary fence, and jump over the moat to pet the 'puppies', I'm gonna video tape while they eat your screaming ass!  Needless to say, the last girl tucked her tail between her tits and slinked away whimpering.

So PLEASE!  For the love of everything not nailed down (and anything they haven't drank yet)... just turn around and walk away if you don't like their attitudes, blogs, tits, or comments.

And to anyone who has a sense of humor and isn't out to start some childish Battle of the Blogs!  Grab something to drink, something to smoke, and go enjoy some foul-mouthed fun reading some of CB's Friday Followers.

One Crazy Brunette Chick

Today's words of wisdom:
If you're gonna poke something with a stick... make sure it doesn't have sharp teeth!!!!


  1. OK.. I spit tea on the screen for real.. WTF? I just pissed myself..and... Your sister is wound up tighter than a g string on a can crusher.. your aunt is in shear panic that there will be Xanex shortage..and.. I think I just sun burned my left nipple.

  2. ummmm.... niece whoreface, you neglected to put a #4 in your post for me, your goddamn aunt. Don't make me withhold the skittles, xanax and gin. i heart your face whore

  3. Sorry Dutchess... I was kinda caught off guard and The Queen's smoke signals were stuttering out of drunkeness. I wasn't sure if you were procuring Xanex or sleeping off your hangover. I remembered I'd need to find you a DD or bail money. That's gotta count for something :D *heart* you!

  4. Well thank fucking God that ONE of us is sober... We'll definitely be needing some fucking bail money!

    People forget that I can FUCK some shit up, even WHILE being FUCKED up.

    We may be little, but we are crazier than the biggest fuck that they know!

    The uptight bitches FORGET that their boyfriends come to us for dirty, raunchy shit they don't get at home!

    Love you whore!

  5. OMG! I just read the "I'm a better person than that" post... I think I threw up in my mouth!

    And... well... 18 is legal age for a beat-down! Frankly, if I weren't on day 3 of a 6 day work-week, I might consider falling off the wagon and making her cry.

    I'm not mad that she made a mistake, or chose to 'be herself'... those are admirable traits. But why is it that only 'God-loving people' can get away with walking away from there mistakes acting like their shit don't stink? GRRRRR... take a laxative because that's just not a healthy shit!

  6. Before yo kick a gator in the ass have a plan to deal with her teeth!