Sunday, July 11, 2010

Getting My Way!

I am the senior English-speaking housekeeper at our hotel which means the chick who trained me finally quit to go to college!  For this reason, I expect everyone to kiss my ass with a smile be nice to me. 
  1. As a guest, you should worship me because I know the difference between, "May I have clean towels" and "Please rape me with a mop handle!"
  2. As a fellow-employee, you should respect me because I can talk shit to the boss about you... right in front of you!
  3. As a boss, you should pamper me because if I quit you're stuck training all the new recruits.
And because I am both irreplaceable and slightly psychotic... I usually get all of the above.  So while you may sit in your cushy desk chair scoffing at my Poor White Trash job... keep in mind while the boss is piling more papers on your desk that she doesn't have time to do... my boss gives me everything I want!

Want a day off?
You put in a request 2 weeks in advance and hope it doesn't get lost in your bosses inbox. 
I let my boss know a Friday in advance.

Need to leave early?
You bust your ass to get all your work done ahead of time, only to have your boss give you twice as much next week. 
I remind my boss that Prince Charming makes way more than me so his job takes priority.

Have a problem with an employee?
You submit a complaint in writing to your PR rep who requests you get a psych eval since the other employee is her drinking buddy. 
I let the boss know I'm *this close* to going postal on someone.

Want pizza for lunch?
You place an order only to have the boss desperately need your help over the lunch hour.  By the time you get to the pizza, your co-workers have downed 7 slices, leaving you with a puny cold slice and raging indigestion! 
I simply bribe the boss with her weakness... 'cream-cheese pizza'.

So while I'm usually against taking a lunch on Sunday because it's the busiest day of the week.  The boss and I have agreed it's the perfect moment to pig out on some tasty, creamy, pizzaliciousness.  It'll put me behind 45 minutes of work, but it'll so be worth it!


  1. Woo hoo to being able to tell people what you want!

  2. Very funny! Love it! And love the new look. Awesome fancy.

  3. Assbags and the Princess...


    Thats how we fucking roll!

  4. You know, because of your prior posts on hotel maid/guest etiquette, I left $5 in my last hotel room for the maid, even though she skipped our room one more time than we asked her to.

    So, somewhere in northeastern Florida, there's a maid going, "Hay Carumba! Un cinco-spot! Por que?"