Monday, August 9, 2010

iSuck 2010

Update on the Hairtastrophe:  I have a new theory.  Global warming has caused such a severe change in climate that the abominable snowman has been forced to adapt!
And with that, I thought I'd bring you another rambling from the demented mind of a housekeeper!
Allow me to introduce you to the incredible
iSuck 2010. 

An industrial vacuum cleaner equipped with a jet powered engine. 
Guaranteed to suck up any item that is irreplaceable while choking on the smallest fragment of candybar wrapper. 
The standard model is fitted with a power cord guaranteed to be 2 feet too short to reach the corners of the room. 
To alliviate this problem we recommend upgrading to the UberCord package which will equip your machine with a 15 mile cord that must be wrapped up neatly after every use. 

Additional upgrades include:
The SuperCiserMatic Package - allows you to get a great full body workout crawling around on the floor picking up all the pieces the vacuum missed.
The Clog-O-Rific Package - includes coat hanger wire for fishing out the nasty clogs of wet pubic hair and dog vomit.
The MegaCharge 3000 Package - stylishly wears the power cord to expose wiring for that stylish grunge effect.

And now for a visual.
Hotel Vacuum Cleaners 101
click image to enlarge

I wonder how much persuasion it would take to convince the housekeeping department to invest in Roombas!


  1. I so think I own this exact model. Don't forget the spinning brushes on the bottom so full of hair and used string that they no longer have teeth to pick shit up with.

  2. HAHAHAHA...makes me appreciate my hard woods a little more :)

  3. MissC - you forgot to send the string spool off to the Chinese factory? You know they're not going to honor your warranty now!!

    Donda - me too... we only have 3 rooms and a staircase with carpet and I <3 my Eureka bagless.

  4. So dirty I wouldn't let the dogs fuck on it....I LOVE IT!!!!!

  5. You write some really funny shit. Both my wife and I have experience in hotel cleaning and can relate. We tip the cleaners well.

  6. Bitch if you'd spend more time on your feet instead of on your knees in those hotel rooms then maybe the vacuum wouldn't confuse YOU with itself and start sucking some of that shit FOR YOU....

    Pubic hair and dog vomit? Thank you, I'll just gag on my Oreo. Love you too sis!