Friday, May 14, 2010

Hey, It's Okay

All over Blogville you'll find these wonderful 'themes' that bloggers use to overcome writer's block and provide structure to their blogs.  There are two reasons I avoid these scheduled posts:
1) Weekends are the busiest time on the street corner, so I'm always busy busting my ass to satisfy those 'born-again virgins'.  As a result, me 'weekend' is actually scheduled on Tuesday and Wednesday.  So while most of the world is downing espresso and bitching about the start of their workweek, I'm celebrating TGIMondays (I should so make that my theme right?)


2) I have enough problems keeping my medications straight without trying to keep blog days from getting all mixed up.  Hell, if I mix up my Valium and birth control there's a chance I'll end up with another kid (but I won't give a shit!).  On the other hand, if I confuse "Half Naked Thursday" with "Monday Motivation" chances are I will 'motivate' a following of total perverts. 
That being said, I stumbled on a great idea from Airing My Dirty Laundry.  I just couldn't resist trying my hand at it.  Next week I might be too drunk (or laid up as well as down, sideways and diagonal) to repeat it, but tonight it seemed like a good idea.

Hey, It's Okay...

To walk around the house in your underwear because you're too lazy to go upstairs and find pants.

To go shopping by YOURSELF when you unexpectedly find out you have the day off.

To pretend you're still sleeping so you can steal one uninterrupted episode of Law & Order while Prince Charming keeps the toddler occupied.

To let your three-year-old play with her food if wearing red onions as bracelets encourages her to eat new things.

To laugh when your child hurts herself doing something you told her not to do 50 times.

To watch free 'bootlegged' movies online because I'm so NOT going to feel guilty that I robbed Hollywood of my $40.

To shut your chat box off so no one bothers you (or knows how long you sat on facebook doing nothing!)

To call your Mom a bitch (because she totally is one, she knows it, and that's why we love her!)

To randomly adopt people into your family because your real relatives totally suck!

and last but not least, because I was skimming the Yahoo!News section...

To totally believe the War of Drugs is ridiculous and that the country would benefit more from taxing the hell out of it.  (This theory is based solely on spitefulness at how much tax I pay on cigarettes, alcohol, and prescription drugs... because my vices are legal and it totally pisses me off that the drug dealer owns a nicer car than my doctor!)
On a side note... I feel it necessary to point out that the Blogger spell check doesn't recognize the word "bloggers"!!


  1. I didn't even know blogger spell check existed.'s me. I'm the spell checker. No wonder it's flawed.

    Deadwood or Bust!

  2. I never pay attention to those blogs either. When I feel inspired, I write, when I don't I just grab another beer. No pressure.

  3. MF - Normally I'm a pretty good spell checker myself, but since I do most of my posts at late hours... I rely on it to catch the drowsy/drunken typos.

    Mike - That's the way blogging should be. The only pressure I want to be getting is peer pressure to do a keg stand.

  4. Goddamnit bitch, I fucking love you!

    Little do those fuckers know, when these Princesses do not feel inspired we take 5 Xanex with Vodka, wait 10 minutes and see what the fuck come out THEN!

    Is that what happened??? I TOLD you to stay the hell out of my shit bitch!

    Dude I TOTALLY fucking agree with you... If we were normal, non-medicated, non-smoking, non-alcoholic bitches... (WHO THE FUCK WOULD READ OUR BORING, DULL ASSES THEN?) We'd be rich fuckers! We could quit hooking on Friday nights!

    Picking you up at 9 by the way! Borrowed your electric blue fishnets, hope you don't mind!

  5. CB - I love you more bitch! I've gotta rob your stash now and then to keep you on your toes. You know if I found it, it wouldn't have been long before Mom stumbled on it. At least I kill my hookers when I'm done with their nasty asses (Mom tends to marry the bastards!)

    As far as 'if we were normal'... Hell, I wouldn't even read me! It'd be like the crap they forced us to read in high school.

    Prince Charming's home and he'll never let me leave the house in my sexy plaid tight pants... so park down the street, honk 3 times, and leave the engine running!!! :D

  6. Totally agree with everything you said! Thanks for keeping it real!


    Im a proud follower now- and i love that header of yours !:)

    come follow me back!

  8. MamaTink - Are you sucking up. Because I've been looking for a new Mom for 30 years. Do you have a beer tab crown?

    Rebecca - Thanks... and thanks... and stopping over to check you out.

  9. your "playing your food" red onion thingy could be a million dollar cookbook idea. Just saying.

  10. Man, I ALWAYS go shopping alone. Now I wonder if that's weird.

    I'm not into writing themed posts, but I'm not so into reading them either. A few bloggers around here do it well, but I can't handle those "surveys" where it's all single-spaced and unpunctuated and basically lacking any content whatsoever.