First... The Prom Cleanup commitee would like to flip you off for being such whores! Why haven't I been around for a week? The motel in the red-light district has been a mess! I'm training these new whores and they can't seem to understand that you don't clean the rooms with a toothbrush (unless the toothbrush belongs to the guest!). Seriously! I'm in these rooms every day and no amount of scrubbing is going to get the sperm stain off the ceiling! Just do what you can and move along so we can be done for the day!!
Second... let me explain that yes... I was the 'practice child'. The Queen totally fucked me up. So of course, anytime CB whines her whorish little whimper, The Queen comes running. Why? Because she learned if you don't they grow up to be like me and never listen to their Mom. CB... bow down and thank me for giving you a loving and doting mother!
Third... and might I add most importantly... I did not run off with the hairlip john! HAHAHA! Very fucking funny bitches! Slipping roofies to your family is all fun and games until someone wakes up with a hideous freak! Puts a whole new meaning to 'coyote ugly'! But don't worry... I will have my revenge so you better watch your backs the next time you head out to turn a few tricks. Oh... and you probably shouldn't put your drink down at the party if I'm invited!
So in case you're a nosey posey who insists on knowing exactly where I've been... Someone has to put a roof over the palace brothel... and I'm sure as hell not gonna break a nail doing it. So I've been busy making sure that Prince Charming is pleased! Yeah! You asked for that! Hope you have nightmares for weeks!
So between working at the motel, and working at home, and the #1 job of teaching a 3-year-old to be a bad influence on society... I've been busy! What's your excuse? Oprah and bon bons? Fuck off!
Now if you don't mind... I have nothing interesting, exciting, or even remotely worth pondering... why?
Because...
today... I have witnessed the gateway to HELL!
It is by far the most torturing,
annoying,
pestering,
mind-numbing form of
horrific
insanity
that could possibly exist...
A 3-year-old
singing
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
at the top of her lungs for
3 hours!!!
So I'm gonna cut this short and take her outside in the hopes that she'll go chase cars or something!!
If you've got a problem with that, I'll be happy to send her to your house and I'll put on the hot pants to bring in the money!
While I'm out, make sure to head over to CB's Friday Follow... (which totally requires that you love cussing whores)... and let her know she has far too much time on her hands and should definetly cut me some slack!
Now she's bitching that her leggings are torn,, she broke her heel and a bunch of other shit.
ReplyDeleteI just don't know what to do with you girls. I'm about to shut down the house and send you all to the streets to fend for yourselves..
I just can't take the pressure anymore..
You three are a handful to keep straight! And...jesus fucking christ that sounds like torture and I hope my kid never learns that song or any other kiddie ryhmey song!
ReplyDeleteBabes.. there are four of us.. it's ugly..
ReplyDeleteSing it sista. Being the oldest is ROUGH. Whiny snot-nosed little sibs need to shut the fuck up. On the upside, putting up with their shit taught you how to tune out three hours of top-of-the-lungs mutant singing without donning the orange jumpsuit for life.
ReplyDeleteNiiiice. My 4 year old watches Strawberry Shortcake for hours on end and my youngest watches some other stupid show. I have to say, strawberry shortcake's voice and theme song are so fucking fruity I want to cut my ears off. It's pretty bad. Maybe my kids can go outside with yours and chase cars together. Sometimes I want to rent them out!! (But I wouldn't. lol)
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff Princess! I feel for you. Since you can' gag (leagally) a 3 year old might I reccomend lots of popscicles to keep her busy.
ReplyDeleteSend that 3 year old out to count Traffic lights!
ReplyDeleteOh SURE bitch!!!
ReplyDeleteI've been hooking by myself FOR DAYS and you're screwing Prince Charming!
You know damn good and well, that MY ass alone cannot keep the Queen's Gin on high supply!!!
And YES, I am the good daughter! Why? Because when the Queen and Dutchess finally kick the bucket, I want the crown. It's not MY fault you didn't learn the game as well as I did!
Missed you hoe!