Thank goodness one of the Royal Family is a total blog-whore who can hold the fort down for us while we sober up is able to keep her shit together in moments of crisis.
For those who don't know...
The Queen had to choose between living under the roof of the evil step-sons, living in a meth house, or being homeless... fortunately for her she has a great son-in-law. While I was busy calling padded cells and nursing homes that would lock that nutcase up with some good meds, he packed all her shit into the garage and moved her into my living room. At first I had a major panic attack! The Queen... and ME... under the same roof? We tried that once 15 years ago and it didn't really go over so well. Someone better be mailing me some of their Xanex stash....
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and then I realized something....
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HOLY SHIT!!!
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I WIN!!!!
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After all... possession is 9 tenths of the law!!
And I am currently in POSSESSION
of The Queen's entire legacy!!
INCLUDING
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THE BEER TAB CROWN!!!!
(if this makes no sense to you, you're new... READ THIS!)
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EAT THAT CB!!!
I just might keep her here until she's old and senile!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
That'll teach CB to run off to California and leave me in charge.
(Like I can sober up long enough to be responsible?! HA!)
With that being said...
I'm gonna prance around my house doing a jig and yelling
"I WIN! I WIN! EAT THAT! I WIN!"
In all my gloating... The Duchess had to take up the role of RESPONSIBILITY... so hop on over there and join up for CB's Fucked Up Friday Follow that the Duchess so kindly hosted until the whore gets back!!
And stay tuned...
I have an upcoming post planned about the Amish, the KKK, and a vacuum cleaner.
You sneaky little bitch. I was next in line for that goddamn beer tab crown!!! CB has cost me drinking time & now the crown?? That skank better have a good explination, or I may throw her to the goddamn gators.
ReplyDeleteWHEN I'M OLD AND SENILE? where's the crown.. and bring me the Royal.. oh wait.. we do have Crown Royal.. I'm good.. later dudes.. I'm off to sit in the shade with my feet up.. and watch OC and Tinkerbell play WHO CAN PISS OF THE QUEEN FIRST with this screaming and yapping..
ReplyDeleteQueenie
I think I need a diagram of the family tree...there are just too many of you ritzy bitches to keep up with. Thank you your highness! :)
ReplyDeleteDonda, it goes like this
ReplyDeleteQueenie and King have a daughter named PWT
PTW has Prince Charming and the Orge Child
Queenie and I,The Dutchess, are long lost sisters and finally found each other on the internet
along came CB whom the Queen decided to adpot because, well, obviously..she couldn't be more like us if she were born into this family...
matter of fact, the Queen was quite the whore back in the day, yep, she was the top hooker in Nebraska AND Kansas. So, CB could quite possibly BE the result of the Queen, a prom, a corvette and a lost pair of underware.
Now you know the story of the Royal Family and I need another beer.
PWT didn't HAVE the Prince, she married him, and they had the OC.
ReplyDeletedamn, even I get confused, but I'm old & drunk
I love you Queen and wish nothing but the best for you. PWT - I am unable to help with the meds cuz My daughter is having MAJOR panic attacks again and I have to help her out that way. Liquor, I have plenty of. And if push comes to shove, I am a servant of CB's so,...BEWARE.
ReplyDeleteTake care of Queenie! I think you missed the mark...isn't she already senile? Maybe not the old part...but you're halfway to the family jewels. Just time, just time. LOL. Glad she has wonderful family. CB probably got arrested in California on that corner so you are in like Flynn.
ReplyDeleteDutchess - Eff you!! This damn crown is MINE! I've earned it fair and square. You didn't even drop provisions as you flew over from Vegas! :D
ReplyDeleteQueen - Have some more gin and shut up while I hide this fucking crown!
Donda - The Dutch has you covered on the 'tree'... as far as highness... we try to stay high but if someone doesn't hold down a job we can't afford the good shit!
Dutch (again) - Thanks for the 4-1-1 and thanks even more for clearing up that other part. Though I think all men think their wives must have carried them for nine months and should pamper their asses, PC gets smacked if he compares me to his Mom.
middlechild - Share the booze. Or frigging steal CB's and bring it over so I can hold it hostage until she gets her ass together! As far as being a servant of CB... That just means you have to sober up before you can come raid my house for the crown ;D
MommaFargo - I'm taking care of The Queen. Then again, with the way she's been cooking, she's taking pretty good care of us! I feel like she might be trying to fatten me up and sell me by the pound. But it's worth it!
Hey slut! I saw this teh day I got back! I was choosing to ignore your smug ass!
ReplyDeleteTHEN I remembered that I hid the beer tab crown YEARS ago and replaced the real one... It's buried beneath the good Tupperware and you'll NEVER find it! HAHAHAHAHA!
And I have Middle CHild in my corner... I'm not scared of you now!!!
Love you bitch!