Saturday, October 2, 2010

Saturday 6

There's too much to talk about so I'm going to limit myself to 6 short (HAHA!!) rants...

1.  The New Security Team

As you know, voting took place to enlist a new security team for The Royals.  And to keep any one member from becoming attached, enamored, infatuated, or corrupted by an individual Royal... we're rotating them regularly.  I don't know about you people, but something about that shit sounds pretty fishy.  I saw The Bodyguard... okay, that's a bad example if we're talking about 'professionalism'... but hell!  She lived didn't she!?!?!  So... to protect myself from the new security team, I'm hiring my own private body guard.  Now don't get all excited, I've already got her picked out.  She caught my attention when she first showed interest in a security position and I intend to make her my prodigy.  Should she choose to accept the position, I will expect her to come up with mundane tasks for the 'security' team to perform that keeps them out of my hair (and my business).  With that being said, I would greatly appreciate it if Ariana from Taking Off The Masks would please report to work first thing Monday morning.

2. Donda

Donda (a member of the 'official' security force) reported for her first assignments this week.  She's determined to diary her memoires in the hopes of hitting it rich in the publishing industry.  I put her to work making some crafty shit because I didn't want her sniffing out my stash.  For more on that, you'll have to check out her Peon Diaries.  I tried to get her drunk enough she'd forget everything she saw, but I only managed to get myself 10 sheets to the wind.  I think she bugged my toilet while I was passed out!
Peon Diaries

3.  Amy

I thought I was the crafty one, but Amy and Sir definitely showed me up when it came to making gifts for The Royals.  You HAVE to check out the new 'toys' we got.  (CAUTION:  Not for the prude of heart... but then again, neither is this blog).
The Dutch's new bicycle.
The Queen's new bath toys.
My new crown.
CB's new shoes.
And that my dear readers is why we let Amy keep Sir around for no charge.
Speaking of which... it's Sir's birthday, so jump on over and wish him a happy one (if you can pry him off Amy for two seconds!)

4.  A Little Q&A

The Queen came up with a new Royal Project where the Royals will answer all those questions that are brewing in the back of your head.  It's real simple.  You simply email your question to and it will be posted directly (and anonymously) to THIS BLOG.  Then, the Royals or their staff members will answer your questions in the comment section.  Keep in mind that each and every Royal believes they are the true heir to the beer tab crown so there's no guarantee that our stories will match.  No doubt each member will have their own embellishments to add on certain topics.  No doubt there will be entertainment to be had by all.

5. Banned Books Week

I love books.  I seldom have the time to sit down and immerse myself in a good book.  But I still love them.  It should also come as no surprise to you that I am against censorship.  I'm all for monitoring 'age appropriate' material.  But when it comes to broad spectrum censoring of certain materials, I get down right bent out of shape!  So in honor of Banned Books Week, I'm going to step up on my soap box for a minute!

It is RIDICULOUS that any piece of literature be banned from public.  It is equally ridiculous for you to want any piece of literature to be banned from the education system (with the exception of grade school and age appropriate material).  Let me explain...

Many of the top banned books are what we would consider 'classics':
  • The Great Gatsby - This book should be banned for one reason and one reason alone... the 7 page guest list that will bore you to tears.  No shit... I actually refused to read this book my senior year of high school because I could NOT get past this section.  Now I find out there's obviously some good sex in this book somewhere... well hell!  I should have read the damn thing!
  • To Kill a Mockingbird - Are you kidding me?  This is by far one of my favorite reads!  Then again I could totally relate to a little tom boy in a town full of bigots!
  • The Lord of the Flies - Creepy fucking book.  All Kindergarten teachers should have to read this before their first day of class.
Or on a more modern note, some of the top banned books this decade include:
  • The Harry Potter series - because we want to eliminate children's imaginations?
  • His Dark Materials (all three) - because the children kill god? (but did you bother to read 'why'... I loved this series!)
  • Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - because it uses the 'n' word?
  • Fahrenheit 451 - because it protests censorship? (my personal favorite book of all time)
  • The Goosebumps series - because it's too scary?
Are you kidding me?

You know what didn't make any of the top lists?  Shakespeare!  Murder, jealousy, suicide, unruly teenagers, sex, conspiracy, witchcraft...  But it's a CLASSIC!

You know what else didn't make the top list?  The Bible!  Because frankly the horrors, sex, and unspeakable acts in that particular piece of literature could put Stephen King, Anne Rice, and a million other explicit writers to shame.  My religious beliefs aside, even if I were a devout Christian, I would still tell you that this book is definitely not meant for children and has probably caused more damage (both physically and psychologically) than any other piece of literature in print.  Certain more so than some fantasy tale for teens.

The teacher in me wants to tell you...
I don't care what they read!  As long as they learn to love reading!!

6.  This Song is Totally Stuck in My Head!

Yeah yeah yeah... it's cheesy... it's Enrique Iglesias... and did I mention it's totally cheesy?

I'm not saying I need a hero or anything.  Lord knows I can hold my own against the world if I have to.  But damn... this song... something about it makes swoon... I think it's Mickey Rourke's character in the video.  Just something about it.  Damnit... I could just ramble stupid shit forever about it.  WHY IS IT STUCK IN MY FUCKING HEAD!!  Just shoot me!


  1. Thats right bitches! The Sir and I are very creative! And yes PWT, I finally got The Sir off of me for a few minutes to see what you posted!

    Banned books are fucking ridiculous! I also have a more tame book blog and I devour books on a daily basis! NO books should be banned! Freedom of fucking speech people! Can you believe that Winnie The Pooh is a challenged/banned book??!! If you don't believe me look it up! I better sign off because I could go on and on about this subject and I have a corner to work!

  2. I would be honored to be your personal body guard.

  3. hey, could you please email me. I can't find your email address anywhere. I have a few questions.

  4. I am just getting around to this because CB is an unruly hooker, as you well know! My daughter was terrified of the Goosebumps movies. Might I suggest a male security member...or I am only going to be able to write girl on girl action :)