Friday, November 19, 2010

Royal Road Trip: Day 1

Got a memo from The Queen to pack my bags and meet the bus in Kansas City for The Royal Roadtrip!

I took one look at that bus and made an official declaration.  I'M ON TOP!!  That's all there is to that shit.  I don't really care if Coffeepot sneaks a few drinks and shaves the top half off on an overpass, but it'll be damned if I'm going to risk getting some bitch's puke in my hair because she forgot to yell, "fore!" before puking out the upper level window!

Secondly, I'm COLD!  If at any point in this journey this bus decides to take it's journey any farther north, I'm getting off.  That's all there is to that shit!

With that, I walked to the back of the bus and plastered a SUNSHINE OR BUST bumper sticker on that baby!

While I was waiting for the late arrivals to stagger their way in, I skimmed over some maps so I could make some suggestions on our destination.  I highly suggested we check out the locals in Climax, KS or Hooker, OK.  About that time, Dutch stumbled off the bus and mumbled something about going to Cookietown, Oklahoma ASAP!!  I made a point to cross Amsterdam, MO and Roach, TX off the list.  Dutch definately doesn't need to be encouraged!

I finally decided that navigating this train wreck was hopeless.  I gave Coffeepot the heads up that with all the women in the bus it'd be in his best interest to avoid Ragtown, TX at all costs.  He was pretty sure he could avoid it if we detoured through Threeway.  I gave him the 'in your dreams' eye roll and headed upstairs to stake out the back 3 rows of seats.

It didn't take long before I was raiding through the snack bins for cookies. 
It didn't take long before I realized I'd raided the Dutchess's 'special' cookie stash!
After that... things got pretty hazy for a while...

The next thing I remember was a bus load of lunatics screaming, "GO EAST!!!"

I looked up in time to catch a glimpse of this sign.

This is definately going to be an interesting trip.  Stay tuned for more exerps from the journey.  And don't forget to check out the rest of the Royals for their stories, secrets, and misadventures!!


  1. If you end up in MI on I75 you have to check out Big Beaver Road, it's exit 69.

  2. omg I'm not gonna make it through the week.. I can not laugh anymore.. my ribs hurt.. did you see Dutchess do that back flip off the fourth seat on the top layer..and landed crossways on the the fourth seat on the bottom layer.. Now that shit had to hurt..

  3. Nope, didn't hurt a bit. I'm a fucking Ninja. Or maybe I'm just fucking a Ninja. either way, I'm one badass bitch. Don't act like you didn't know about the special cookies. You know they are your favorite.

    Now I need a drink...fucking cotton mouth

  4. Keep your dam bumper sticker off my pool/bus hooker. And off my pool/bus/boy.