Thursday, January 27, 2011

Badass Blogger Award

Heather over at Teens and a Toddler has been so kind to bless me with this wonderful award.   Isn't that just fabulousness?  *heart*   Thank You Heather!!  (pst... she made me thank her... it was a stipulation... but I'd have done it anyway *wink*)
There's some RULES (shame on you Heather!) for accepting this award.
Hmph... I'm the Empress... I make the rules!!  You should know that!

FIRST... I have to ramble on about the things that are on my mind.  That's kinda like getting paid to breathe isn't it?  Of course we totally know I deserve to be awarded just for the amazing wonder that is ME!!
So anyway...

Today's thoughts:
I HATE MICE.  Oh I FUCKING (with a capital F-U-C-K) hate mice!  We have/had this brazen, balls of a grizzly, mouse in our house.  I can/could hear him at night chewing away inside my walls.  50 traps later and not a single one has been set off.  Not shitting you... snap traps, no-see-um traps, mouse-condo traps... no mouse!  I finally demanded sticky traps because the mother-fucking-cocksucker has decided he could pop up on the coffee table in the evening and grab the leftovers from dinner... right in front of a 3-year-old.  Did I mention I hate mice?  The only thing worse than knowing you have a mouse is actually SEEING THE FUCKER!!  The only thing worse than that is having him EAT YOU SHIT right in front of you and keep coming back for more!  ASS-FUCKING-HOLE!!

Anyway... not the point.  I caught the bastard!  The O.C. spotted the icky vermin and I immediately set out a post dinner snack and a sticky trap.  SUCCESS!!  *dancing around in glee at the sound of mousy squeals*  Except for one problem... he's only stuck by his TAIL!  What the HOLY FUCKTARD?  What the hell do you do with a mouse caught in a trap by only it's tail?  HELL NO!  This is panic setting in.  I know if he gets loose he is never falling for that shit again... he's too fucking Einstein geniusness!

I know he's going to get loose!

*call the P.C.*
(He's 30 miles away at work, like he can do anything!)

He says, "Put a box over it."  Well fuck!  That would work... maybe... it's better than me freaking out.

Thankfully, in the freaktarded hunt for a box, I had the brains to think ahead.  I grabbed a couple more traps and set them in the directions I knew he would run to should he finally get that tail loose.  I then set to making the O.C. pick up every toy, bobble, dead cat, doll, block, paper, loaded weapon, etc. so he had nowhere to 'hide' if he escaped.  After all this hard work, I started pulling out the coffee table to get to the partially stuck mouse.



I just heard him squeaking in horror?!?!?!

And like that... *poof* ...he's gone?

And then out of the corner of my ear I heard it.


I caught the little shit full chested on the sticky trap I placed along the escape route!
oh yeah...
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! some more!!!!

My punishment for relishing in the slow and tragic death of this creature?

I just spent the last 3 hours listening to him squeak little death squeaks trying in vain to escape from his glue covered grave!  MUHAHAHA!  I'm a soft-hearted animal lover and normally that would nearly bring tears to my eyes knowing it was suffering like that.  But since its a mouse who has been terrorizing me for MONTHS... I'm somehow unmoved.  I turned up my music and when he does get loud enough to hear it sort of brings an evil smile to my lips.

Yeah yea... I might be going to Hell... and PETA is sure going to be all over this shit... but I'm pleased to announce there will be one less disease causing, crumb munching, vermin in the world.

Now I'm supposed to award this fabulous award to a handful of wonderful new bloggers...
Unfortunately, I don't really have any new reads lately.  I've been trying to keep up (to some extent) on my regulars, and have failed even at that.  I'm still trying to get some finishing touches on this blog design, plus I was just enlisted to do a design for a friend.  So when I'm not totally pissing away my life on facebook, I'm busy pretending to be a good Mom (hey, I'm winging it... she didn't come with a manual!) and holding down a job.

So what I'm going to do is hold onto this award (I'm a selfish bitch like that!)... but seriously, when I get shit together and get a chance to browse some new bloggers, I'll be sure to give this award to them.

Here's to a good week, weekend, end of the month... however long it takes for me to get everything together.

Now go show Heather some love for recognizing my awesomeness!


  1. Congrats on yer award.

    I also hate fuckin' vermin!

  2. is a way to deal with them...PETA will hate me but...fuck it...

    Put a board of some kind propped up against the wall where you know his route is....make sure the light is on so that there can be shadows. Now sit and wait...when the little fucker runs his route, he will stop where the board is because of the shadow. When he does this, give the board a huge kick and voila! Smashed mouse! LMAO! I haven't tried it, but I heard it works...

    Just in know...there are more...LOL

  3. Ugh I hate mice. We had a problem with them a few years ago when we first moved into this house. Hubby put some of those poison pouches in the basement ceiling and after a few days we were fine. A few weeks ago I saw one behind our DVD holder. I got some of those no see um traps and set em up. I checked all the time to see if they were in there. Nothing. A few days later my son was reaching under the couch to get a toy that rolled under and he pulls out the dead mouse!! Eeeewwww!!! It must have been in the basement and ate some of those poison things. It was so gross though!! I scrubbed his hands forever!!

  4. Yay!!! We rock balls bitch!!!

  5. omg, I so hear you on the mice thing. I won't even put traps down. I wouldn't even be in the same room. I hate the things. my heart is pounding just reading this.

    thanks for ridding the world of at least one mouse.