Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February can go now.

Let's recap this month:

1) INSURANCE - I'm still trying to get the wonderful state of Kansas to process my medical application for the outrageously high medical bills that are starting to pile up.  How is that going?  I called them every Friday for 6 weeks to see if they needed any further paperwork on the matter.  Each time I was told 'nothing has been requested'.  Only to have a letter appear in my mail on a Tuesday which gave me 6 business days to get 3 months worth of pay stubs to them!  FUCK YOU PEOPLE!  Luckily, I had some of the pay stubs lined up in expectation.  But that still left some of PC's stubs to get since his employer no longer hands those out.  On top of that, the months they requested happen to be the highest paying months in PC's job (football season + holidays = extra hours & bigger tips).  So I included our January income and am hoping they'll take note of the HUGE difference (we're talking $1000 less than Dec.)  Hopefully, we'll get the coverage we need.  Otherwise, there are a bunch of doctors who will be getting $5/month for the rest of my life.

2) COLD & FLU - Bring on the nasty cold bug.  It started with the OC catching a double ear infection (no shocker there) and possible strep.  Follow that with me getting an excruciatingly sore throat.  Being an old farm hand, I broke out all the leftover bottles of antibiotics to tackle it).  I killed the sore throat pretty fast, but I certainly did not expect what came next.  While I was at work on Saturday I started coughing.  That was 10:30 AM.  I popped some Dayquil in the hopes of making it through the day.  IT DID NOT TOUCH IT!  To hell with the Mucinex commercials... this was the double you over until you're on the verge of puking type of cough.  As it happened, rooms were slow to checkout and my girlfriend and I ended up partnering up while we waited.  She's a total lifesaver and I'd have never made it through the day without her.  I sent a text to the boss at noon letting her know there was no way I'd be in on Sunday.  My friend finished my work so I could leave on time, and I called The Queen on the way home to come over and help me with the O.C. because I feel myself going downhill fast.  The Queen ended up staying at my house until 1 AM after I'd finally stopped coughing and bedtime was right around the corner.

3) THE KINGDOM-EMPIRE - The Queen woke the fuck up and took her 'Kingdom' back.  Ummmm... what did she think would happen if she left me in charge.  Hey, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of running things as an Empress.  Now she's gone and hired/fired/reassigned people here and there and everywhere.  I have no idea what is going on... but I'll be damned if I'm just going to step in line and mumble 'yesh ma'am'!  NO NO NO... I'm stashing the frigging crown where she can't find it and there will definitely be more to say on this matter.  The Empress of Everything may be a total slacker when it comes to getting shit done in a timely manner, but I'll be damned if I'm giving up on my dreams of world domination just because Mom & my Aunt decided to put me in a time out.  I think not!

4) TAXES! -  Fuck you HR Block!  They advertised their 'Free Federal File' at any office... blah blah.  So PC decided to do me the favor of hiring them to do our taxes this year (and give me a break from that crap).  He took in our papers with a $50 coupon off their service.  Know how much they wanted?  $150!  Do you know what that means?  If the federal was free and we had a $50 coupon... they were trying to charge $200 just to file my state return.  I think not!  We file and easy return... I wouldn't pay them $200 to file both returns when I can do them both for FREE!!  Don't get me wrong... I'd have paid for the convenience of not having to do it.  But I was quote $90 for a state return last year... I will not pay more than twice that just because you're trying to re coupe your losses from a free offer.  NOT THAT DESPERATE!  So now, that's the next 'to-do' on my agenda... and how I hate doing them.

5) METH HEAD! - Went to get some REAL over-the-counter meds.  You know... the ones that actually work?  Because they have REAL drugs in them.  Because they aren't just a glorified sugar pill.  You see, contrary to modern opinion, I believe REAL illness should be treated with REAL medicine.  Unfortunately, the government figured out that REAL medicine works!  And if it WORKS.... there is surely some idiot out there who will manufacture it into some kind of concoction that makes you high.  Now, everyone who gets the sniffles or a cough is scrutinized like a lowly meth addict.  I don't mind showing my I.D. and giving out my information, but when I wait 5 minutes to have a pharmacist tell me she can't give me the medicine I need because my license expired last month... now that pisses me off!!  LADY!!  That's my picture, my name, my address, and my date of birth!  Do you think because I didn't go to the DMV, that I'm somehow no longer the same person on that little piece of plastic?  I did NOT know that I get to change my entire identity just because of a date on a piece of paper!!!  THAT ROCKS!!  I'm usually a patient, calm, and considerate customer... but I swear to you I looked her straight in the eye and said, "So the DMV gets to decide whether I can have medicine?  That is FUCKING ridiculous!"  It made me want to drive straight to the DMV and cough all over their stuff.  Hell... I wanted to cough all over the lady's register, but I was pretty sure she was pushing the silent alarm under the counter to call in the FBI and have me arrested for manufacturing meth and posing as a sick person.  With all the states passing their fucked up immigration laws, I didn't want to risk it.  I'm pretty sure if an expired license isn't enough to get some pseudophedrine, it certainly won't be enough to prove I'm a U.S. citizen.  The last thing I needed was to wake up in some Mexican prison.  Then again... maybe they'd have given me some SUDEFED!!!


  1. I'd be fuckin pissed about the medicine. It's not like you were trying to get into a bar with the damn thing. That slutbag would've been calling her manager or something cause I'm pissed for you now

  2. Since we took the bat mobile and Ducky and stormed your compound several weeks ago, you will find you no longer hold the beer tab crown. We love our Duck and the bat mobile.

    You snooze, you lose.

  3. Um...probably a little late to be offering but I have some real sudafed I coulda given ya :O(

  4. Oh I like it! Coughing all over the people we don't like! Gotta remember that one!

  5. That's insane about the pharmacy. I get methadone & vicodin every single month for pain and I have never had to show ID. They have asked for my address that's it.

  6. That 'file for free' shit is ridiculous, I always file online with them and last year state was free to file and this year they charged me $50, still cheaper then the $200 they wanted to charge you but considering it was FREE last year! Idiots.

  7. Crise - no shit right? I might even understand if it was long expired or the picture was totally outdated. I'd have understood if something about it made it 'suspicious'. I'm glad I didn't go through the drive-thru... she'd probably have had the SWAT team storm the parking lot.

    The Queen - ha... ha... haha... *glare*... funny bitch. You just keep laughing your ass of while you dance naked in your crown. Wait until the bank statement arrives. Let's just say your emergency gin fund is running a little short these days... that beer tab crown was looking a bit tarnished, so I sprung for some new 'bling'.

    Dazee - You better be! Because when The Queen finds out how much of her gin fund I spent on my new crown, she's gonna put a hit out on me!!

    Daffy - Thankfully, The Queen now has her own 'personal' pharmacy. So I gave her a ring and she had me hooked up in a flash. Thanks though :D

    Sandra - Totally appropriate if you ask me. If I'd have felt better, I could have wasted a whole afternoon antagonizing the bitch. Go get a box of cold pills... take them to the counter couging all over the place... "Do you think these will help? Is it real medicine or the cheap shit they put in pill form after they found out people would have to look at your ugly face just to get the real stuff?" They say laughter is the best medicine... I could have worked up hours worth of laughter between the pharmacist and the DMV!

    Kelly - I know! Only in America would I be able to pick up a narcotic with just a slip of paper from the hospital, but I need a retinal scan, blood test, and body cavity search for some cold meds that work? Exactly why I always carry a condom... you never know when you'll get screwed!

    Babes - I haven't paid for my taxes since I was married to my ex-husband. Once I learned how easy it was, I saw no point. But I'm terrible at procrastinating and I really hate it, so the PC was trying to do something nice for me this year. Total FAIL. Either they are stupid or they think the general public is. I'd flip someone off, but I think Kansas is passing a tax on that as we speak! :D