Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Sushi Named Lucky!

The Ogre Child received an aquarium and two 'female' betta fish for Christmas this year.  We'd done our research and everything indicated that two females could live in an aquarium together provided there was cover and enough room.  Prior to moving into their joint living arrangement, The Queen kept their private quarters adjoining so they could get acquainted.  She saw no signs of trouble so we moved them into their new Royal Fish Condo on Christmas Eve.

Since then I have closely monitored them to be certain there wasn't an insane amount of aggression going on.  Everything seemed to be going well.  There were a few flare ups and some pecking order being established, but nothing unexpected when you put two animals together.

Until this morning when the blue betta was MIA!

After 15 minutes of searching, I could not find the blue betta.  (Keep in mind this is 3 gallons of water occupied by a plant, a filter and 2 fish.)  Finally, after preparing the O.C. for the fact we would probably find the blue betta dead, I told Prince Charming I needed him to take the filter apart and look for a fish corpse (dead fish is worse than dead hooker!).  PC was more than thrilled since he'd been awake just long enough to have his morning smoke.

Lo and behold, the minute he went to work on the filter, the blue fish appeared out of God only knows where.  And the prognosis did not look good.

I snatched up the original small container and fished her out.  Upon examination she had a badly gnawed tail and was missing one of her 'swimmer' fins (according to O.C.).  But she appeared to be in good health and was obviously happy to be ALONE again.

Well shit!  What do we do with a gimp fish?  I can't flush a LIVE fish.  I can't put a gimp fish back in the aquarium with the evil REDRUM!  I won't keep her in a little box until she croaks.

So I call up The Queen (after all... this was HER idea).  After much arguing amongst us in which I informed her under no uncertain circumstances would I flush a perfectly good fish just because she was handicapped!  I told The Queen, if she was that heartless of a bitch she could come get her fish, take it home, and flush it down HER toilet.

Little did I know that in The Queen's mind... a handicapped fish missing a fin looked something like this:
stock vector : old fish skeleton cartoon

But since I am a spoiled brat Princess, The Queen agreed to come handle the situation for me.

The Queen arrived and asked where the damn sushi was.  And much to my amazement, blue fish had NOT lost her 'swimmer' fin.  It must have just been injured so she was holding it tight to herself (or she is a mutant who can regenerate limbs).  Much to The Queen's amazement, I wasn't trying to send her home with a floating fish stick.

As The 'Cold-Hearted' Queen left with her blue betta, I heard her tell the 'sushi'... "Those big bullies!  We'll get you back home to your happy little bowl where they can't pick on you anymore!  You just ride there in the front seat until I get you home."

So I don't know what the O.C. will name her evil red betta, but I have dubbed 'her' Red Rum!  And The Queen is now the proud owner of a blue betta with half a tail named "Lucky Sushi"!

Someone let The Vet know she needs to find a prostetic tail for a betta because while we have no quams about feeding idiots to the gators, we are NOT going to flush a fish just because it's handicapped.


  1. OMG! This is why I won't own fish...I had angel fish growing up and those suckers were mean and liked to eat each other. Queen will probably have it drunk by tonight. She will fill the bowl with gin instead of water. LMAO

  2. Blue Sushi is very happy at the moment. She was not pleased with the ride home, unable to see.. so I stopped at the first little town and propped her up on the dash so she could ride there.. She is now in her bowl.. basking in the sunshine with no evil Red Rum trying to detail her ass.. Now,, If I had just remembered to bring home my vagina, all would be fine here at the castle.. as it is. no place to put my kitchen spoons... THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES.. I KEEP EM IN A VAGINA.. wonder why no one ever wants to come over for lunch.. I just don't get it..

  3. I'm with you Amy. I lost all interest in fish the day one of mine turned up missing. I found her dead in the 'cave' with an eel curled up in her stomach. NOT A FISH PERSON at all!

    But The Queen is. She once wallowed around in a horsetank trying to rescue a goldfish we had given her. She might play 'tough heartless bitch' but I know her better.

    It's days like this, I hope the FBI has my phone tapped. Just so they could hear this phone conversation:

    The Queen: "What?"
    PWT: "You forgot your vagina on the table!"
    The Queen: "I checked my schedule, I don't need my vagina until Friday. Just put it on the piano and don't let PC throw my vagina away!"

  4. And Amy.. what would you do for pain killer for it. I suppose you would just let it suffer.. I on the other hand, know that gin is a wonderful pain killer.. in fact.. mixed just right. It will grow back limbs. lol.. in my drunken stupor I could not find a vein for it's IV.. like you ladies do for me.. so .. I filled the bowl and called it good..

  5. I think the sushi madam needs to be with the Queen. You see, it was smart enough to just make itself hurt barely, so it could go back where it belongs. Sounds like the smarter of the fish to me.

  6. I just wanted to make a comment about something you said that make me laugh and then there was another thing and fuck me....I am laughing so hard I can't see straight!!!!!!!

  7. Wooooooow. I now have to sew on a fish tail??? Let me go slaughter a mermaid for the Queen's new pet.