Monday, February 28, 2011

Sexual HarASSment

Maybe I'm just a LAID back person. 
Maybe I'm just self-confident enough not to be threatened by words. 
Maybe I've just been closing down the bars since I was in diapers.
Or maybe I'm just a flirt myself.

Regardless of the reasons... I often wonder where the defining line is for sexual harassment.  I don't want to go out on a radical limb here and say there's no such thing.  I certainly believe that if you are being made to feel uncomfortable, you should be able to put a stop to it.  But for me, it's really hard to take this matter seriously (and that too may be the root of the problem).

I consider myself to be 100% faithful to P.C.  (Okay, lets be realistic here... it's probably more like 99.9% because you totally know that given the opportunity I would totally DO Gerald Butler, Russell Crowe or Meatloaf!)  But extreme fantasies aside, I'm faithful (enough) and I am confident that P.C. is equally committed (aside from Anna Paquin contract we have).  Again... maybe it is this 'security' that makes me overlook what others would be totally offended by.

So I submit for your review the following 'hypothetical' scenarios for your scrutiny.  I want your honest (even if you think you're being prudish) opinions.  Trust me, I'm not testing YOUR tolerance levels, I'm analyzing my own.  I'm just being self-analyzing my own twisted brain for my own entertainment.

So without further ado, do YOU think any of these scenarios CROSS THE LINE or all they all harmless?

1.  Your co-worker commonly refers to themself as a 'prostitute' and continually makes references about being naked.

2.  You are unwillingly given a detailed physical description of your co-workers overnight companion including enough sordid details to make the little man in your brain scream "FREAK!"

3. A married co-worker follows you down 3 floors and back up another 4 floors, while all the while trying to convince you that you should come over to their place for some 'fun' since 'the spouse' is out of town.

4. You say, "I don't know what's wrong with me, I guess I'm craving Mexican!" and your co-worker throws out his arms and says, "HERE I AM!"

5. After eating some food at work, you state "DELICIOUS!".  Two co-workers slyly pull you aside because they want to know which one of them you were saying was 'delicious'.

6. A stranger invites you up to his room for a 'few drinks' when you get off work.

7. You are forced to kick your co-worker out of the area you are working in because they won't stop ADMITTEDLY staring at your ass and commenting!

8. Your co-worker repeatedly tries to persuade you to dump your current partner for them.

9.  When you comment on your dream of winning the lottery, you co-worker asks if you'll take them with you.  They volunteer to clean your house or be your love slave in return.

10. Your co-worker tells you they love you enough to clean up puke for you, but not enough to get puked on for you!
And for an added bonus, I'll throw in one 'physical' scenario out of curiosity.

11. Your coworker fiercely runs their nails down your back and tells you to go home and tell your spouse, "That is how you do it right!"

C'mon readers... I know this should sparks some commentary from you... so let's hear what you have to say.  Assume the coworkers are all people you've known for 6 months or more and that you genuinely like them (even if you think their behavior is inappropriate).  I promise to entertain you with my opinions of each scenario in the near future!

Friday, February 25, 2011

I Heart Faces: Friday Fix It

Back in the day when I was more 'organized' in my blogging, I used to participate regularly in the wonderful I Heart Faces events.  Now days, the lack of a decent camera and the time to just 'play around' with edits has left me a quiet bystander in the events.

However, I'm feeling especially creative today (I might even break out the paints and canvas before it's over).  So I felt the urge to participate in the Friday Fix It.

I so enjoy turning photography into art, and hope you enjoy these beautiful edits.

The Original Photograph by Angie Arthur

Edit #1

Edit #2
Edit #3

If you enjoyed these, don't forget to check out the edits by Jen, my fellow Royal, over at Love Me Or Hate Me.

Also on the Royal Agenda, check out The Queen's announcement about the new Princess and if you haven't had your toddler chuckle for the day, check out the O.C.'s post from earlier this week.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February can go now.

Let's recap this month:

1) INSURANCE - I'm still trying to get the wonderful state of Kansas to process my medical application for the outrageously high medical bills that are starting to pile up.  How is that going?  I called them every Friday for 6 weeks to see if they needed any further paperwork on the matter.  Each time I was told 'nothing has been requested'.  Only to have a letter appear in my mail on a Tuesday which gave me 6 business days to get 3 months worth of pay stubs to them!  FUCK YOU PEOPLE!  Luckily, I had some of the pay stubs lined up in expectation.  But that still left some of PC's stubs to get since his employer no longer hands those out.  On top of that, the months they requested happen to be the highest paying months in PC's job (football season + holidays = extra hours & bigger tips).  So I included our January income and am hoping they'll take note of the HUGE difference (we're talking $1000 less than Dec.)  Hopefully, we'll get the coverage we need.  Otherwise, there are a bunch of doctors who will be getting $5/month for the rest of my life.

2) COLD & FLU - Bring on the nasty cold bug.  It started with the OC catching a double ear infection (no shocker there) and possible strep.  Follow that with me getting an excruciatingly sore throat.  Being an old farm hand, I broke out all the leftover bottles of antibiotics to tackle it).  I killed the sore throat pretty fast, but I certainly did not expect what came next.  While I was at work on Saturday I started coughing.  That was 10:30 AM.  I popped some Dayquil in the hopes of making it through the day.  IT DID NOT TOUCH IT!  To hell with the Mucinex commercials... this was the double you over until you're on the verge of puking type of cough.  As it happened, rooms were slow to checkout and my girlfriend and I ended up partnering up while we waited.  She's a total lifesaver and I'd have never made it through the day without her.  I sent a text to the boss at noon letting her know there was no way I'd be in on Sunday.  My friend finished my work so I could leave on time, and I called The Queen on the way home to come over and help me with the O.C. because I feel myself going downhill fast.  The Queen ended up staying at my house until 1 AM after I'd finally stopped coughing and bedtime was right around the corner.

3) THE KINGDOM-EMPIRE - The Queen woke the fuck up and took her 'Kingdom' back.  Ummmm... what did she think would happen if she left me in charge.  Hey, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of running things as an Empress.  Now she's gone and hired/fired/reassigned people here and there and everywhere.  I have no idea what is going on... but I'll be damned if I'm just going to step in line and mumble 'yesh ma'am'!  NO NO NO... I'm stashing the frigging crown where she can't find it and there will definitely be more to say on this matter.  The Empress of Everything may be a total slacker when it comes to getting shit done in a timely manner, but I'll be damned if I'm giving up on my dreams of world domination just because Mom & my Aunt decided to put me in a time out.  I think not!

4) TAXES! -  Fuck you HR Block!  They advertised their 'Free Federal File' at any office... blah blah.  So PC decided to do me the favor of hiring them to do our taxes this year (and give me a break from that crap).  He took in our papers with a $50 coupon off their service.  Know how much they wanted?  $150!  Do you know what that means?  If the federal was free and we had a $50 coupon... they were trying to charge $200 just to file my state return.  I think not!  We file and easy return... I wouldn't pay them $200 to file both returns when I can do them both for FREE!!  Don't get me wrong... I'd have paid for the convenience of not having to do it.  But I was quote $90 for a state return last year... I will not pay more than twice that just because you're trying to re coupe your losses from a free offer.  NOT THAT DESPERATE!  So now, that's the next 'to-do' on my agenda... and how I hate doing them.

5) METH HEAD! - Went to get some REAL over-the-counter meds.  You know... the ones that actually work?  Because they have REAL drugs in them.  Because they aren't just a glorified sugar pill.  You see, contrary to modern opinion, I believe REAL illness should be treated with REAL medicine.  Unfortunately, the government figured out that REAL medicine works!  And if it WORKS.... there is surely some idiot out there who will manufacture it into some kind of concoction that makes you high.  Now, everyone who gets the sniffles or a cough is scrutinized like a lowly meth addict.  I don't mind showing my I.D. and giving out my information, but when I wait 5 minutes to have a pharmacist tell me she can't give me the medicine I need because my license expired last month... now that pisses me off!!  LADY!!  That's my picture, my name, my address, and my date of birth!  Do you think because I didn't go to the DMV, that I'm somehow no longer the same person on that little piece of plastic?  I did NOT know that I get to change my entire identity just because of a date on a piece of paper!!!  THAT ROCKS!!  I'm usually a patient, calm, and considerate customer... but I swear to you I looked her straight in the eye and said, "So the DMV gets to decide whether I can have medicine?  That is FUCKING ridiculous!"  It made me want to drive straight to the DMV and cough all over their stuff.  Hell... I wanted to cough all over the lady's register, but I was pretty sure she was pushing the silent alarm under the counter to call in the FBI and have me arrested for manufacturing meth and posing as a sick person.  With all the states passing their fucked up immigration laws, I didn't want to risk it.  I'm pretty sure if an expired license isn't enough to get some pseudophedrine, it certainly won't be enough to prove I'm a U.S. citizen.  The last thing I needed was to wake up in some Mexican prison.  Then again... maybe they'd have given me some SUDEFED!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

You Want Me Barefoot and What?

One of my favorite ladies recently posted a flashback about the standards expected of women back in the day.

I find it amazing to think that this was once the 'norm' among women.  We cooked, we cleaned, we raised our children and we did it with a smile with no question of what our husbands were doing.

Can you say B-O-R-I-N-G!!

Gentlemen... let me introduce you to the modern woman and why you should bow down and be grateful that womankind stepped out of the dark ages.
  1. String bikinis
  2. Mini Skirts
  3. Stilettos
  4. MILFs
  5. Body shots
  6. Sexy lingerie
  7. Pole dancing
  8. Naughty fantasies
  9. Arguments that lead to makeup sex
  10. ORAL SEX
I bet you 10 to 1 that no wife who upheld the standards of the 1950's would ever consider doing any of the above mentioned things.  An obedient, well behaved, non-combative woman is an unadventurous, unimaginative PRUDE!  Back then, if you wanted any of those things you probably had to fork out the extra cash to hire a hooker or get admitted to a brazen establishment.  On the contrary, in the year 2011, if you are a good man who is good to his wife and treats her with love and respect... you can have it all in the comfort of your own home.  Because the truth of the matter is, a woman who knows she is loved... a woman who knows she is respected... a woman who is confident, strong-willed, and supported is more than happy to break out the 'bad girl' to please her man.

"I once had a man tell me his dream woman could cook, clean, raise the kids, rock his socks and hold down a full time job so he could relax all day.  I took one look at him and told him if he was paying me the salaries of a wife, nanny, maid and hooker combined, I'd be happy to oblige.  But you can damn well bet if he was paying me that kind of money I wouldn't need to remain employed for long!"

The fact is you can't have it both ways.  You can't have the complacent, submissive wife and expect her to 'take care of you' financially or sexually.  These states of minds cannot co-exist.  There is no switch that can turn your 'sweet innocent' wifey into a bedroom vixen who pulls in 6-figures and then shuts back off without asking why you blew 3 grand at the bar last night.

So the next time you're fantasizing about having June Cleaver in your kitchen and Jenna Jameson in the bedroom, remember that it's twice as expensive to keep two women around.  Chances are you already have a great woman at home and if you'd just show her a little extra love and support she'd probably be willing to give you a little more of whichever 'fantasy' your heart desires.

(FYI:  Ladies, this applies to you too.  We can be just as selfish and egotistical as men.  If you aren't getting what you need from your man, you may want to ask yourself if you're giving that extra love and support to him.)

Monday, February 7, 2011

This Post Takes Precedence

I had just finished posting a blog topic when I stopped over to Gucci's to grab a quick read.

Frankly, her post is much more important than the dribble that I just spewed out of my fingers so I've removed my own post (no worries, you'll get it's fabulousness later in the week) because I want to fully support what Gucci has to say today.

I want you to go to Gucci's and read THIS post.

If you do nothing else today, I want you to take some sort of action on this matter.  Whether you repost her link, tweet it, facebook it, make a donation to a charity, or take some action to help someone in this sort of situation (even if that someone is YOU).  Do something about this today regardless of how small or how great that something may seem.

And to give you further strength and inspiration, here is my song to ALL of you.  Even if you have never experienced domestic violence, we can all relate to some sort of neglect or degredation.  Regardless of your flaws (real or percieved) YOU ARE FUCKING PERFECT!!  Always remember that and never let ANYONE (especially yourself) treat you as if you are less than perfect!

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A Word From the Mouthy Toddler

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go 'cater' to the demanding mongrel.
*heart her to pieces*
but sometimes I considering auctioning off those pieces